Scarlet Sea of Tranquility An Eastenders Fanfic
by Kellifer Monkey
Summary: Eastenders Story begins from the episode aired on Friday 21st April 2006. Having killed his brother Danny in order to save the Mitchell Brothers from their backfired revenge plot with Johnny Allen Jake attempts to make amends by taking care of Ruby.
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Notes:**

Story begins from the episode aired on **Friday 21st April 2006**. It follows an alternative route to the episodes aired on the BBC following that date and is not intentionally similar to storylines which come about after the date above.

The main storyline primarily involves the characters involved in the showdown between Johnny Allen and Phil and Grant Mitchell as they attempt to have justice for Sharon after Dennis' death the previous New Year's Eve. Other plotlines are used as subplot only and may not be brought to a full conclusion. My apologies if you get attached to a side plot; I am only one writer and not the whole team that the soap requires for the job.

**Main Characters:**

**Ruby Allen,** Louisa Lynton.

**Jake Moon,** Joel Beckett.

**Grant Mitchell,** Ross Kemp.

**Johnny Allen,** Billy Murray.

**Stacey Slater,** Lacey Turner.

**Tina Stewart,** Charlotte Avery.

**Bradley Branning,** Charlie Clements.

**Phil Mitchell,** Steve McFadden.

**Jane Collins,** Laurie Brett.

**Dawn Swann,** Kara Tointon.

**Pat Evans,** Pam St Clement.

**Charlie Slater,** Derek Martin.

**Peggy Mitchell,** Barbara Windsor.

**Summary of Important Previous Events:**

Having killed his brother Danny in order to save the Mitchell Brothers from their backfired revenge plot with Johnny Allen; Jake attempts to make amends by taking care of Ruby. He has opened up 'Scarlet' on advice from Johnny's solicitor and despite Ruby having previously told him she wants nothing to do with him, she has just agreed that it may be the best way for them to both put the past behind them and move on. He enlists Grant's help to run the bar and since Ruby is more inclined to trust Grant's advice since their chat at the country pad in Essex, there may be hope for a reconciliation and smooth future yet. Then, is anything that easy in Walford?

Chapter One

The air was cold and musty at number 41 when Jake was abruptly awoken by an alarm clock he didn't remember setting. He managed to venture a hand out from under the covers and slap the alarm off, before closing his eyes and trying to ignore the fact that another day had begun. Outside he could hear the rumble of a delivery van and the honking of what he assumed was Charlie's cab trying to get out from behind it. The Square was far from quiet even at this time in the morning, but in the Moon household the still lonely air filled Jake with hopelessness.

Glancing at the clock he noticed it was still only a little after six. What possessed him to set a wake-up call for that early? Alcohol was of cold comfort to him, but at least it got him to sleep at nights. However the problem with it was that while he was inebriated, he acted without much sense of reason and even less memory of the matter. It may have seemed sensible to catch the early bird at nine or ten last night, but now… If it was Charlie making all the noise, he must be on another airport run, which would have meant an early morning for all at the Slater household.

Finally having opened his eyes, Jake stared up at the cracked ceiling and wondered if Ruby's mornings haunted her with as much ghastly recognition as his own. It didn't take his thoughts long to wander back to the subject of Ruby Allen, Johnny's now estranged seventeen year old daughter. If he was honest with himself; his thoughts barely left her. After what had happened with Danny at the Allen's country pad, Ruby seemed his only hope of redemption and therefore all he consumed himself with.

While he hated the thought of being like Johnny - one of Ruby's more cutting remarks to him, and one that practically drove him to suicide in fact – their was a part of him that almost wished he had Johnny's aptitude to disassociate himself with guilt or remorse. Thoughts of his brother would forever linger in Jake's mind. He couldn't remember a time when Danny wasn't his first thought in times of trouble. He'd always been dragging his brother away from one mess or another ever since they went into care as children. He rarely complained as they were the only family each other had back then. Their parents Bob and Alison had kept it a secret that they had given up the boys to the social services until they were lost in the system. It wasn't until they were out on their own again as teenagers that they managed to track down Alfie who with the help of Nana Moon was trying to raise his baby brother Spencer.

Nana made sure they were taken care of as much as any other family member then; but a loving Grandmother, never notices the trouble young men can cause. Or maybe she chose not to. Either way having someone genuinely care for them couldn't stop years of intuitive fending for yourself. It certainly couldn't alter Danny's odd propensity for getting himself into trouble. Eventually everyone got tired of Danny causing bother and that meant leaving again. There were times when Jake felt more like Danny's luggage than a brother; though oddly it was always Jake that bore the weight. Now there was no one, there was no baggage to carry, no peace to keep… no one to share a drink with or open up to. All that lingered in Jake's life now, were ghosts. Ghosts and Ruby.

Ruby. Would she really move on and accept him running what was basically her club? She obviously didn't like him, but I suppose an income was important. She is still Johnny Allen's daughter after all. She was used to nice things and being treated… well, better than most. He wouldn't go as far to say spoiled, but she'd never had to struggle, had she? If it were begging and taking charity from the Slater's forever or letting Jake pointlessly endeavour to make amends by running Scarlet on her behalf…

Bloody Hell! The delivery. Now he remembered why he'd set the alarm. His first day as manager and he'd forgotten that all the stock was arriving early to allow for him and Grant to make the preparations for Opening Night. He jumped out of bed; fortunately still half dressed in yesterday's jeans and T-shirt and flicked back the net curtain over his window. From the back bedroom window he could just make out the grubby white van parked awkwardly across the street outside Scarlet. He threw on a jacket ran down the stairs and haphazardly pulled on a pair of trainers before racing around the corner to open up the club. As he rounded the corner into Bridge Street he couldn't help but cast a glance across the square to the Slater's. Someone was in the window. He didn't have time to wonder if all the commotion had woken his young boss, as Charlie stepped out of the cab in front of him and gave him a tired looking scowl.

"Not a good start to your first day, is it?" He said looking mighty ticked off.

"Sorry Charlie, I'll have him move out of your way right now. I had no idea it was this busy first thing." Jake began to explain. Charlie shrugged unforgivingly, and gave him very short shrift.

"Well you wouldn't, you haven't been in a fit state to show your face this early lately. I thought you were trying to help Ruby out. Late to open, smelling of drink and look at you. I'm looking out for that girl and you are supposed to be…"

Jake couldn't handle much more of Charlie's sermon; he looked over at the delivery driver who was tapping his watch and rolling down his window.

"Well I'm doing my best and I'll clean up once I get the stock inside. I'm sorry…"

"Yes, well you should be. I'll be talking to Ruby. Maybe she should get someone else in to run the club. Someone she can rely on."

Charlie got back into his cab and waited a few seconds for the van to move around the corner a little, before almost mounting the curb to get passed it and out of the way of Jake and the busy Square. Jake apologised to the van's driver and carried about thirty crates and boxes down into the bar in the space of twenty minutes before signing off an invoice and practically collapsing on one of the plush red couches in the dimly lit club. He'd closed his eyes for all of a minute when he heard footsteps on the stairs and smelt a sweet musky perfume that told him exactly who it was approaching.

"Ruby?" he said before she'd even rounded the corner. This in itself put her on edge as she had been looking straight ahead and knew he hadn't seen her until she saw him. She took a step back as he moved towards her.

"Sorry… my alarm…" He caught himself about to lie and something stirred in his guts and he fell silent.

"I came to see what you are doing for tonight. I don't want the place to be too sleazy looking." She told him pouting a little and gazing at him unapologetically.

Jake slightly resented the fact that she assumed he would make a bad job of the Opening; he was doing this all for her after all. Didn't she realise that she could have asked for caviar and penguin suits and he'd have gone along with her, even if it did seem downright ridiculous given the people attending. Instead of complaining or questioning her about her ideas further, he told her that he'd do whatever she wanted.

"Just give me some notes or a plan of how you want it to look and I'll go and…"

He broke off mid sentence as the way she was looking at him was making him feel decidedly uncomfortable. He'd stopped himself short of thinking she was spoilt earlier, but the look she wore at that moment told him that he was little more that dirt on her shoe. Ruby hadn't been meeting his gaze as he spoke; instead she was looking him over unappreciatively. It then felt rather obvious to Jake that she wasn't going to find it easy to move forward or ever start to forgive him. It had always been Danny that caused him to run away, that or the unforgiving nature of locals with no time for him. He felt the urge to run again now, but he couldn't. He had to stay, for her, even if she didn't want him to.

"And what?" Ruby said after the silence had begun a beat in her ears and the shape of the last words he'd spoken were echoing incoherently in her brain.

"What do you want from me?" Jake blurted out; when his mind had run in so many circles that he'd forgotten what they were even talking about. All he could see were images of her cold stare as they drove back from Essex, or the sight of his brother slobbering all over her when he arrived at her home, before things all went to hell. He wondered for a moment if she had known Danny had tried to grope her, if she thought he would do the same. There were so many things he wanted to ask her. She was the only one who knew what Danny was like at the end. The only one who might understand, or could make Jake's actions seem necessary, given how ill Danny had become - though he may never have got so messed up if Jake hadn't sent him away - whichever way Jake saw it, he was always guilty.

Phil and Grant, they had their own agenda, and they looked at things so differently. They had gone to Essex willing to kill Johnny, Jake wasn't a killer. At least he had never meant to be. He wasn't like any of them, not even Danny in the end, as he'd killed Dennis with no remorse at all; but Ruby saw him worse than the rest. To her, he'd killed his own brother. She didn't know it was Danny holding that knife while Sharon screamed into the New Year. On the second anniversary of her sister and mother's death, Jake had come into her house and murdered the closest family that he had. He was unforgivable.

"I want you to open the club tonight and take what you consider to be a fair wage and put the profits in my bank account. I want you to keep out of my way and run this place decently. I don't want you causing trouble for me and I don't want you coming in here looking like a tramp. Who'd want to drink here and be served by someone looking like that?"

"I'm sorry. " Jake replied simply. "Give me the bank details and I'll make sure your money is paid every week."

Then to add salt to his wounds, Ruby told him to take an extra two hundred from the club account and buy himself a suit if he had nothing of his own that was decent enough for the Opening that night. He'd normally have told someone where to go if they insulted him that obviously, but Ruby had a right to treat him like crap. He'd take as much as she was giving.

"I'll bring in some music later. It's too late to have the night themed, but I want someone on the door to make sure the dress code is kept to."

With that she turned and after a moments pause at the bottom of the stairs she rounded the corner and left. Jake put his head in his hands and fought the urge to open one of the vodka bottles that he'd just carried down stairs. Right then he didn't believe she'd ever stop hating him, let alone begin to forgive.

Ruby trembled as she turned away from Jake. He made her feel uncomfortable whenever he was around. If hearing him talk to his brother about how Danny had groped her in her tranquiliser induced sleep wasn't enough, he'd then gone and beaten the living daylights out of Juley just for saying 'hello' to her. She wouldn't have wanted to spend any time with any of them after the things they had done, but there was something about Jake's eagerness to be around her, which made her stomach tie itself up in knots and her brain seem to clench under the weight of too many thoughts. He claimed he was trying to help, but he'd come to Essex to help Danny too and look what happened when Danny wouldn't be helped.

For a moment Ruby considered apologising to Jake for being so spiteful about his clothes. It was obvious he'd just rushed out of bed, when she saw him run from 41 trying not to trip over his shoe laces. It seemed he was trying to make amends for her situation, but since her father had put him up to it, how could she trust him? When she was consumed with thoughts of how dangerous Jake could be, she thought she would be better off keeping him sweet, but then she saw how desperate he was to please her and it seemed crazy to think he'd actually hurt her. He'd been so angry at Danny for what he'd done. When he took that gun from his brother, she knew something horrible was going to happen. She'd just thought that with Danny the way he was, it was better that Jake had it. Now she saw how they would all have been better off if the guns were in the lake!

She thought of asking Jake why he was doing this. What Johnny was doing for him in return. Her father had convinced many people to do his bidding, either with money or unspeakable threats. She'd seen what her father was capable of when he pointed a gun at the Mitchells in the club last year. She wanted to ask Jake what threat he was under, that could turn him into such a mess. Though she doubted he'd tell her the truth. With a deep sigh she ascended the stairs and headed for somewhere safer.  
Grant almost knocked her over as he turned to go into the club. He smiled cheerfully at her and was whistling for some reason. In the corner of her eye she saw Jane watching them across the street. As much as Ruby appreciated that most people were looking out for her after her Dad had been locked up, she couldn't help but wonder what they were thinking of her.

"Don't forget to lock up, Ruby." Grant said as she began to walk away stiffly. She shrugged as though he was speaking bad English and she'd missed the point. "Scarlet's is your responsibility now; don't want to get the place smashed up on the first night…"

"Jake is in there." She replied coldly.

"Oh! You not staying to plan things for tonight? Is Jake alright down there? I saw the delivery; well I guess half the square heard it!" Grant said trying to be amicable and read her face for how her time alone with Jake had gone.

"I told him I'd drop in some music later and to make sure the place isn't seedy and full of tramps." Ruby said flatly, still watching how Jane peered across at them from the café window, obviously pretending to clean the breakfast bar. Grant chuckled.

"Well I know Walford isn't quite the West End, but I'm sure Jake is doing his best." Ruby shrugged and the short sharp intake of breath through her nose told Grant that things hadn't gone well at all.

"Yeah, maybe he is doing his best. I just want to know why. What's my Dad up to?"

"Jake never saw your Dad, he got asked in to see Johnny's solicitor. He said that Johnny had put everything in your name and that he'd been recommended to run the place, but it was up to you. Your Dad is going to be away for a long time Ruby, if not the rest of his life. He wants you to have opportunities like any father."

"I'm not interested in him. I told you before, Johnny Allen is nothing to me; I hate him. Though I guess I'd be foolish not to take up opportunities like Scarlet and well… Jake can stay for now, but if he does anything…"

"What do you think he's going to do to you, Ruby?" Grant asked rather exasperated by her attitude. "He's just looking out for you, since your Dad's… away."

"Why though? I don't trust him. He's always following me and asking me if I'm okay. I just want him to leave me alone."

Grant reached to touch Ruby's shoulder in what he hoped would appear to be a sympathetic gesture, but she pulled away so quickly it were as if he'd threatened her with a knife. Another thought which conjured up painful images involving Jake. Even in her own mind she couldn't get away from him. She trembled a little with raw feelings, shook her head at Grant's concerned expression and walked away towards Stacey who was hurrying to open up the stall before she missed out on any sales or got a lecture from Mo.

Grant sucked in his bottom lip and sighed with frustration once again. He knew exactly why Jake was trying to take care of Ruby, but it wasn't for him to start passing on information, especially since Ruby had been only too happy to hand over her own father to the law. He had Courtney to think about and Phil had Ben, neither of them wanted anything to jeopardise that, even if it might give Jake Moon a more peaceful life. Grant owed Jake his life, but spending it in gaol, wasn't part of how he saw his future.

Jake didn't particularly have good morale at the best of times, he could put on a cheerful front, but inside he felt alone and dishevelled. Danny had never really allowed him the freedom to be happy-go-lucky and carefree; they had their moments, but it was never long enough between disasters to really find himself enjoying life. He thought that he would for a little while when he got it together with Chrissie, but a fine mess that had turned into as well. Recently the outer appearance was a lot more similar to what was inside, and when people – okay Ruby – took such a disliking to that, it was hard for him to see any point in repairing or disguising what was on the inside either. He heard voices upstairs and strained to hear what was being said. When he did pick out a few words and more to the point who the conversation was between, he soon wished he hadn't.

"I don't trust him… I just want him to leave me alone!"

The words rang in Jake's ears like his own gunshot into his brother's back. He hadn't meant to kill him; he couldn't even get that right. It always looked easy on TV when people disarmed a gunman by shooting them in the shoulder and making them drop the weapon. They always made it to hospital or an interrogation room. Danny just fell to the ground dead; a look of shock on his face and a cold lifeless stare.

"Jake!" Grant said shaking him by the shoulder. He'd obviously been talking to him for a few moments already, but Jake hadn't even noticed that he was no longer alone in the club. The only voice louder than his conscience lately was – yes you guessed it – Ruby's.

"Ruby was making a point with that tramp comment then? Did you even sleep last night?" Grant asked with a quizzical expression on his face. Jake shrugged and set about putting away crates of lager bottles and alcopops.

He lost himself in work for most of the morning and when Ruby arrived to give them the music for the sound system in the office, he left her to talk to Grant – something she obviously felt more comfortable with – and set off home to clean himself up as she'd requested. He didn't take any money from the petty cash, but used what was left over from his last pay packet at the Bookies to buy a new dark blue suit and complimentary shirt and tie which the sales woman had said 'nicely brought out the colour of his eyes.' Well maybe that would win a point or two with Ruby anyway. There was little else he felt he could do to impress her.

Opening Night had been going pretty well; Jake had spent most of the evening behind the bar, while Grant kept an eye on the dodgier clientele and Ruby glamorously mingled. On a couple of occasions Jake thought he saw Ruby drinking more than fruit punch and in addition to worrying about her; he also grew quite concerned that as she was just less than six month's shy of eighteen, even her position as club owner wouldn't stop them having the licence taken away if the law were tipped off. Stacey had made some comment within earshot which he hoped might improve Ruby's attitude, but as usual Ruby wasn't cutting him the least bit of slack.

"Well at least he made an effort… You might not like him Rubes, but at least he does as he's told." Stacey laughed with a sly glance at Jake as he pulled up a few more bottles for Deano and Gary. Ruby met Jake's eyes with a venomous glare and downed what Jake now assumed was orange juice with a large quantity of vodka.

"Yeah, but who's telling him?" She said coldly before adding another barbed remark for his consumption. "Gangsters always do look good in sharp suits, don't they?" She giggled at her best friend, and moved behind the bar to take a couple of bottles of some over sweetened alcopops. Then a smash silenced the club for a moment before they were treated to the predictable 'sack the juggler' retorts from the Square's 'funny-men' and it all got forgotten for the next cheesy chat-up line.

Jake had reached to take the bottles away from Ruby, finally seeing that however uncomfortable it was, he had to be professional where the drinking laws were concerned. She flinched at his touch and one of the bottles fell to the floor, before she scathingly told him in tones similar to how her father would reprimand people, to go to the office. He sighed heavily wishing he'd let her take the bottles and asked Grant to deal with it later.

"Well, go on." She said coldly, beckoning Grant over to work the bar. Jake bit his lip and turned away from Stacey's mocking smirk and walked out to the office. Ruby was there a few minutes later and he took a deep breath ready to speak and realised he'd forgotten what he'd just formulated to be the right response to her summons.

"Look, Jake I'm the boss now, you wanted me to do this and…"

"You may be the boss Ruby, but you are still under age and I can't let you drink like that."

"You can't let me drink, but your brother wasn't meant to drug me with sleeping pills either was he? I figured that at least this time I can decide how 'out of it' I want to be."

Well I guess that answered one of Jake's questions; Ruby did know how Danny had drugged her to keep her out of the way while her father tried to kill people in the garden. What's more if she knew that then she also knew that Danny had been groping her in her sleep; as these revelations had both been revealed in what would turn out to be his last argument with his brother. He suddenly felt like he'd been justified in shooting his brother. How had he got so messed up that behaviour like that was okay? Ruby would be eighteen in a few months, but Jake knew that Danny saw himself as her brother while Johnny was playing a father figure to him. How had his own brother got so lost that he had no morals left at all? Suddenly Jake was filled with hatred for Johnny Allen and in that moment he knew exactly why Ruby was so angry and bitter.

"Drinking won't help get rid of the memories, Ruby. Believe me, I've tried it." Jake said compassionately.

Ruby had expected Jake to get angry with her. Part of her wanted to push him to the extreme and see how far he was willing to go, or how much he had to put up with because of her father's threats. She had never expected him to sympathise with her.

"Maybe I'm not trying to hide from memories, Jake. Maybe I just want to see if you are like your brother, if you just hurt people and take advantage of women, like he did."

Jake knew the 'he' she was referring to was her father not Danny. His skin crawled at the quick associations she was making and he wanted to tell her he was nothing like Johnny, but he still remembered how unsuccessful that was last time he tried it. Be it through drinking, hard work or biting his tongue when he'd usually want to punch someone who treated him like dirt; he'd do anything rather than give into that darkness again. After Grant tried to run him down in his Land Rover, he knew that suicide wasn't a road he wanted to go down, although Ruby was making running away seem better and better by the minute.

"I'd never hurt you, Ruby. What Danny did to you was disgusting and I'll never forgive him for it. I know we had a rough upbringing, but I thought I'd taught him to treat women with decency and I thought…"

"It's okay Jake, I'm sure he'll never forgive you for killing him either!"

Ruby thought that her comment was just another shove towards making Jake tell her the truth about why he was hanging around and trying to be nice to her. She thought eventually he'd try and threaten her or even better own up to what Johnny had over him. She didn't anticipate him looking as though he was going to cry and walking out of there without uttering a sound.  
As the door softly fell shut behind Jake; for the second time that day, Ruby felt that she had gone too far. Jake had done nothing to hurt her, he got angry when he was clearly very drunk and upset that she wouldn't accept his kindness. She had been torturing him with his own guilt for weeks and in return he'd done everything he could to protect her. He took her away from all the terrible events of that day. He gave her his own money in order to take some of the stress away from her having no income while living with the already stretched Slaters. He took her home when under all the stress she'd started sleepwalking again and wandered across the square in her pyjamas. He hadn't even tackled her or run away when she waved a knife in his face. It had been her making the threats, her holding the knife and taunting him. She thought Jake was like her father, but in reality it was her that had become more like Johnny.

Grant asked her what had happened with Jake as they were closing the club a little after two in the morning. Stacey had agreed to wait outside with Bradley, and Ruby knew that she'd been third wheel for most of the night and made excuses to help Grant in order to give them some time alone. Now though she thought being gooseberry would have been preferable to Grant's awkward questions. She admitted to drinking too much and taking it out on Jake when he told her off. She told Grant she'd made some hurtful comments and that she intended to apologise.

"What did you say to him, I didn't see him again after you took him off into the office to… tell him off?" Grant asked, while he counted up the night's takings muttering figures every now and then and jotting things down in the book of takings.

"I said some things about his brother. Unforgivable things… even considering what he did, I shouldn't have said that." Ruby had been mulling over how much like her father she was becoming, now that she'd been left on her own. She knew that she hadn't liked what she'd turned into in the office with Jake. She'd scared herself.

"So what exactly do you think Jake did?" Grant asked, treading carefully so as not to put himself in the firing line once more.

"He shot Danny. I saw him take the gun, I heard the gun shots from the house and he didn't deny it when he drove me back to Stacey's. That's why he has been so screwed up. He murdered his own brother."

"What if I were to tell you that it was… self-defence?" Grant asked awkwardly skirting the truth. Ruby looked confused, but as though she were addressing new questions for the first time in almost a month of anger and grief.

"I saw Danny smack Jake with a baseball bat, but he wouldn't have killed him." Ruby reasoned without a lot of self-belief, which Grant was very quick to pick up on.

"Are you sure about that? Danny was really gone in the head, you must have been aware of that, Ruby. You were living with the guy after all." Grant explained.

Ruby fell silent. Too much of what Grant was saying rang true to her and conflicted with the facts she'd assured herself of. Not for the first time in recent weeks, she wished her mother or sister were still alive. They would have given her some solid advice. Thoughts like these usually spun her off on another reel of anger towards Jake; mainly from the lost sibling association alone, and not because she blamed Jake for everything bad in her life. Now though she saw how Jake may have understood what she was going through more than she'd previously thought. If this didn't shake the foundations of her mind enough, what Grant was about to say would certainly cause the fault lines to crack.

"It was Danny who killed Dennis last year. Your father took the blame, but then he was to blame. Danny should have been in some institution, his mind the way it was. Your Dad used him, first to take out Dennis and leave Sharon to look forward to raising her longed for child alone and then to play games with me and Phil. You know Danny was about to kill me, don't you? He had a gun at my head and was ready to kill me and my brother. Jake did what he had to."

Ruby couldn't speak, her head was reeling from all these new suggestions and the feelings they were causing her to be swallowed up by. After asking if she was okay and receiving a faint smile and a bewildered look, Grant went to the office to put the takings in the safe and Ruby went outside to interrupt Stacey and Bradley making out. She needed to go to bed, lock the door and go to bed; even if she doubted whether she'd get any real rest until she found out what had really happened in Essex. However the cold air meant that fate had a different plan. While Stacey and Bradley tore themselves apart, all the alcohol Ruby had consumed caught up with her and she made the assessment that rushing to the club toilets would be a better idea than jostling for the bathroom at the Slater's when she was really desperate. She told the lovebirds to go on ahead, that Grant was inside and he could walk her back across the square if necessary.  
Ruby wasn't aware of how much time had passed while she sat in the toilets and pondered why Danny was dead. She hadn't known that Jake was defending the Mitchells, because she'd seen the Moon brothers fighting only a few minutes before, she'd assumed Jake was like the rest of them. Now fearing she might have been wrong all the time, she didn't know how she was going to face Jake again. Eventually she realised that sleep would be the best way to help her make a rational choice on how to deal with the situation and she finally left the ladies toilets. Unfortunately when Grant had seen that Stacey was no longer outside, he locked up and went back over to the Vic for a much needed rest, leaving Ruby stuck inside the club for the night.

As she left the public toilets at Scarlet she heard a noise and quickly called out to see if it was Grant. When she received no reply, she rushed to the office for help or to check the security tape herself for what might have caused the clattering noise. When she found the office empty and discovered that most of the lights had been turned off she panicked. The noise seemed to be coming from the toilets behind the bar, so she quietly made her way up the stairs to leave and call Grant to deal with it. It was then that she discovered the door was locked and with no keys of her own, she realised she was trapped.

After ten minutes of rooting through her bag for a mobile she realised she'd left it at home, as was always the case when you actually needed the things, and began to sneak down towards the office to call Grant or even Jake if she had to. It was then that she heard the loud smash of a bottle and what sounded like someone falling over in the men's toilets. Perhaps it was just a drunk, maybe even Gary or Deano; they had been putting it away some during the night. She didn't have to be afraid of them. She called the Vic and got no reply after a few rings and decided to try Jake. It might be awkward, but she knew he'd help her and it meant that she didn't wake the entire Mitchell clan by constantly dialling their number for ages. She planned what to say, but it was irrelevant when there was no answer at 41 either. She called Grant's mobile, it was engaged, and then she tried Jake's and plucked up the courage to leave a message when it wasn't answered.

"Jake, it's Ruby. I'm sorry I was angry with you… I'm locked in the club. Can you come and let me out, please? I think I heard something and… I shouldn't have talked to you so harshly before… I just don't know how to deal with everything. Please come over if you get this… Jake… I'm scared. Please help me."

Jake had been drinking ever since Ruby had verbally abused him for stopping her doing the same thing, along with every other sin he'd ever committed. He'd gone to be on his own, but some sense of responsibility had stopped him leaving the club altogether and running away like he wanted to. Instead he sat in the toilets while Grant locked up and drank a litre of vodka to try and silence his guilty conscience. It didn't work and by the time he'd drained the last drop at what may have been somewhere around two, he flung the empty bottle at the wall and collapsed in the disabled cubicle loudly knocking the door closed before passing out unconscious.

Picking up a bottle from behind the bar, Ruby walked towards the toilets hoping it was just Deano and that her biggest trauma would be living with his jokes over the next few days about how she'd faced up to him with a grim-face and a litre bottle of gin. Adrenaline was rushing through her blood stream as she prepared to hit any intruder with the heavy bottle.

"Who is it? Deano, Gary, if that's you come out of there. It's time to go home and throw up in your own toilets."

There was no reply so Ruby pushed the door open and tried to find a light switch. Not being familiar with the workings of the club yet, particularly the gents' toilets, she didn't know the light switch was in the hall outside the toilets themselves. She slowly walked along the row of cubicles, her heart beating madly in her chest.  
"Please whoever you are, it's time to come out of there and go home. I'm going to have to call the police if you don't!"

She tried to sound threatening, but her voice trembled and she felt herself prickling with goosebumps. She held on tighter to the bottle and fearing for her life, she pushed open the second to last cubicle door. This time she was too consumed with panicked thoughts to say anything, she was walking further and further into the darkness and nightmare images of what may be about to happen swamped her thoughts. Faintly she heard a beeping noise and a tiny voice which felt like her conscience whispering suggestions or concerns around her petrified mind. Fear roared in her ears like the sound of the tide coming in and she suddenly woke herself from her terrifying reverie by yelling at the intruder.

Jake who had come round hearing the cubicle door clatter on its loose hinges beside him, blinked to try and figure out where the hell he was. Surrounded in bits of broken glass and feeling sick and like he'd been kicked in the head, he felt for something familiar. Realising he was in the toilet at Scarlet he tried to get up and dropped his mobile on the floor. It was then that he noticed the message on his phone that said he'd missed Ruby's call. He fumbled at the buttons and pressed the wrong code causing it to beep a few times before he heard her frightened voice. He could barely stand as he struggled to get up and find her. His mind was too fogged with alcohol to realise that he was the intruder she was scared of. All he could think of was protecting her and in the back of his mind was the pleasure that she had finally trusted him. He staggered out of the cubicle and heard Ruby yelling about police at the top of her voice, and then everything went black for a very long time.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

Ruby couldn't tell how much time it took her to calm down after she smashed the intruder over the back of the head and he fell with a heavy thud to the floor. Her legs gave way and she huddled herself up into a protective ball as adrenaline rushed through her bloodstream intensifying everything. Eventually she managed to control her breathing, as she was just short of passing out from hyperventilation herself. Then realising that the drunken trespasser may be likely to come around pretty soon, she considered the option of tying him up so he couldn't harm her, should he be angry when he awoke to find himself with a thunderous headache. It was at this point that the idea that she may have hit someone she knew, first struck her; but it was quickly cast aside for thoughts of something to bind her attacker when he uttered a faint moan of pain. She rushed out to grab the first thing that came to mind, the little decorative curtains behind the red couch she'd spent most of the evening on. Tearing them down and eventually finding the light switches she lit the club up like a Christmas tree and cautiously made her way back towards the gents' toilets. Blissfully unaware that the bravado she was beginning to feel for tackling the situation herself was about to be replaced with the terrifying guilt and panic to see that she may have just killed the man who'd thanklessly gone out of his way for her during the past month.

"Jake!" she shouted, after the initial dumbstruck silence of seeing him gin-soaked and lying in a pool of his own blood had worn off. She rushed to his side and knelt down beside him to feel for a pulse. She couldn't find any sign of one in his wrist and carefully moved her fingers under his collar to feel behind his ear, pressing her head to his chest for good measure. There faintly, she heard a slow beat, thankfully alleviating the worst fear, that she had already killed him. There was glass all over his upper body and he wreaked of either the alcohol he'd consumed or that which she'd smashed all over his head. Blood was still running slowly from a deep gash in the back of his head and there were bits of the bottle stuck in the right side of his skull and neck. Ruby jumped up and ran into the cubicle where she'd confronted Jake and threw up violently.

In the chill of her nausea she realised she didn't have time to be afraid or concerned for herself and went back to Jake's side. Taking off her jacket, she carefully moved the glass away from his head and pressed the thick denim against where the blood was leaking slowly over the floor. Seeing his mobile still clutched in his right hand, she carefully prised his fingers back and saw that it was her message that had roused him to leave the cubicle. The guilt overwhelmed her for a moment and had he not opened his eyes a little and moaned her name, she felt as though she'd have been lost to shock.

"Jake! Please, Jake… hold on, I'm so sorry… Jake, don't leave me now. Oh God, please don't die." She sobbed dialling for an ambulance and shaking with a cold sweat. His blood was soaking up from the bottom of her pale raspberry coloured dress and she shivered at how much of it there was. How much could a man lose before he had no hope of recovering? As she waited for someone to take her call she convinced herself that Jake was going to die. Tears ran down her cheeks and left sparkling reflections of the fluorescent lights above on the dainty sequins of her dress.

Looking down at Jake, Ruby saw how the pale blue shirt that he'd looked so handsome in earlier, was now turning purple along with her jacket. Why had she been so horrible to him earlier? This never would have happened if she'd just stopped obsessing about what she thought had happened in Essex and had just asked him outright why he was always there for her. It dawned on her that the only reason she'd gone as far as to tell him off in the office, was because she'd felt betrayed by her own feelings, when Stacey suggested Jake had dressed up for her. She'd been telling herself to hate him for so long; she'd made him the embodiment of all the pain and betrayal she'd been feeling and when anyone suggested that she had no reason to, she freaked out. Nothing seemed to make sense lately. Life was so crazy for her since Johnny gave himself up to the police, that all she could think of was why she had to suffer. If only she'd seen that Jake was suffering too. If only Grant had told her the truth about that day earlier or she'd just asked Jake herself, she'd had every opportunity to do so. Now what scared her more than the blood, the guilt she'd have to live with, the fear that she was about to end up in prison like her father or any of what had happened in Essex; was that she may never get to tell Jake how sorry she was for hurting him, emotionally as well as what physical trauma he now faced.  
"I'm so sorry, Jake. I'm so very sorry… I should have told you that I didn't hate you… I should have…"

Ruby broke off then as after what felt like hours the emergency operator responded. In a panic she told the calming voice what had happened. She explained it had been a case of mistaken identity, that she'd hit Jake thinking he was an intruder. He was bleeding a lot. There were glass fragments in his head; she'd tried to put pressure on the worst of the wounds to stop the blood flow. He'd regained consciousness a couple of times, but was obviously in a lot of pain when he did. They were locked in, but she'd call someone to help with that. She should stay calm and should not try to move him or remove any of the glass herself.  
"We'll be there as soon as we can, Ruby. Just stay with him." The lady said reassuringly after a few minutes on the phone.

Ruby was shaking with cold and her face began to sting from the pathways new tears formed on her cheeks across where the old ones had dried moments before. She held Jake's hand and again felt amongst the blood for his pulse. It was growing fainter and in her chest Ruby felt the adrenaline brought on by her renewed anxiety causing her heart to race fast enough for both of them. She clutched his cold lifeless hand in her own as though she could give him her strength through osmosis.

"Please don't give up Jake. I need you. You are the only one who cares for me now." She squeezed his hand so tightly that she could have almost broken his fingers, as she wept beside him. "Everyone leaves me… Jake, please wake up. Don't you leave me too!"  
It was then that she heard a kind of slurping noise and a faint popping, which startled her from her own grief. Jake's head had slipped down a little and he was close to drowning in his own blood on the bathroom floor. Letting go of his hand she rushed for paper towels behind her, remembering she'd been told not to move him, she had to clear away the blood and gin so that he could breathe. Once Jake was no longer struggling to breathe, Ruby used his phone again, to call Grant this time. Peggy answered at the Vic and began to scold the caller for waking their whole household up, before she recognised Ruby's sobs.   
"I'm locked in, the ambulance is coming. Grant must come and let them in…" she cried clinging once again to Jake's hand. Peggy tried to calm her and find out what was happening.  
"It's Jake… there was an accident… I'm scared… I can't let him die… please help us."

Peggy shouted to Grant who had just gone to bed and Ruby numbly listened as Peggy tried to explain. She then asked if she needed anyone and offered to call Charlie to take care of her and try to get in touch with Alfie. Ruby said yes, but was sobbing hard and whispering 'Jake wake up' over and over. When Ruby ended the call it felt as though she were utterly alone in the world and as Jake had probably been struggling to stay alive for over half an hour by that point, she feared she soon would be.

Grant arrived a few minutes before the paramedics and frantically tried to get the three bolts on the door of the club open, as he heard sirens distantly to the west. Ruby heard that someone had arrived, but was more concerned to see if Jake was still breathing. She lay facing him on the cold tile floor and carefully felt for a pulse under his left ear. She could faintly hear him breathing and counted the beats of his heart as his breath tingled on her icy skin.  
"Ruby… I'm sh…sorry… never meant… to upset you…" Jake's broken and husky voice startled her from her rhythmic counting and made her jump back a little, jarring his body painfully as she tugged his hand with her own momentum.

"Oh, Jake… it's my fault… it's all, my fault. I'm the one who should be sorry. I don't hate you Jake and I don't think you'd do anything as awful as Danny did. Please Jake, just hold on a little longer. The ambulance is on the way and I'll make sure you are okay. Jake, please don't leave me."  
All of Ruby's words flooded out in such a hurry that it was hard for Jake to follow everything she had said, particularly as his topmost ear was full of blood. He felt dizzy and nauseous and his vision was blurred so he couldn't see her very well either. He'd only been sure it was her there beside him by the scent of her perfume amongst the sickly smell of alcohol.

He felt like he was floating and was reminded of a swimming class he took with one of his foster siblings more than twenty years before. If it hadn't have been for the throbbing agony of his head and feeling as weak as a kitten, he'd have thought he was drifting in a warm pool at some beach resort. The light was bright and he felt like his skin was burning even though to Ruby he was as cold as ice. He squeezed her hand a little and tried once again to put her mind and his own conscience at rest.

"Can't… leave… you. Promise." He mumbled. "Thank you… for s…s…staying…"  
Ruby could see that talking was tiring for him and sniffing back her tears she stroked his face and drew closer to him holding his hand and resting her chin against it as she cried and silently prayed that he'd get through this. Jake saw her tears shining and turned his hand to wipe her freckled cheek. This time when he spoke his voice was little more than a whisper.  
"Don't… cry, s…sweetheart."

Grant ran around the club calling Ruby's name, but all she could do was cry by that point and gave no response by which he could locate her quicker. She was sure Jake was dead and she felt like something inside her had died with him. If only she'd found the lights, or been kinder to him, or have gone home instead of taking out her bitterness on him in the first place. If only, if only.  
"Ruby! What the hell happened, are you hurt? Is Jake…" Grant asked as he rushed into the gents' hearing her weeping and then seeing what a mess she and Jake were in. There was blood everywhere, they were both covered in it.  
"I killed him. I thought it was a burglar or something and…" She couldn't speak for crying and she wouldn't let go of Jake's hand to let Grant help her.  
"Come on, Ruby. Let me look at him." Grant said trying to help her up and out of the way. He could already hear the sirens getting closer, but Jake looked in a very bad way. He asked Ruby what happened and without much awareness that she was talking at all, she reeled off the events since she'd last seen Grant. He told her to go and tell the paramedics where to find them as the sirens stopped outside; but she wouldn't move away from Jake.  
"They said I had to stay… I'm not leaving him. He wouldn't leave me. I won't leave him!" She shouted as Grant tried to take charge and persisted in getting her to move away from what he now believed to be Jake's corpse.  
Moments later the paramedics arrived and Ruby moved back towards the toilet cubicle having noticed their grim faces upon entering and seeing the carnage. Grant filled them in on what had happened as Ruby sat blankly staring at Jake while the two medics tried to assess his condition. One looked at the other and for a moment Ruby thought he was about to say Jake was dead and she let out a horrified sob, then the grey-haired slim man nodded and told the other he'd found a faint pulse. They began to put Jake's neck in a support collar, check his vital signs and to give initial dressings to his more severe wounds.  
"He's not dead…" Ruby muttered. "He was talking to me a minute ago… He's not dead… He can't die; you can't let him die… please?" She said holding the grey-haired man's arm.  
"Are you his next of kin, miss? We'll need someone to stay with him and sign for treatment… are you his sister?" Ruby shook her head quickly.

Something about being asked if Jake were her brother, reminded her of the horrible conversation they'd had earlier where he'd told her that Danny thought of her as his sister and yet he had still drugged and groped her. She didn't like the brotherly association. That argument had been the start of all this misery. Grant hadn't said anything and Ruby realised that the paramedic was still waiting for an answer.  
"Are you his next of kin, Ruby is it?" Ruby nodded "Are you his girlfriend, Ruby?" The friendly grey-haired guy asked in a comforting tone. She nodded again and looked at Jake covered in blood and darkening bandages.  
"Yes. I'm looking after him. Can I go with him in the ambulance? He woke up and knew I was with him, I don't want him to think I left him now…"

The paramedics, having strapped Jake onto a back support, lifted the stretcher and told Ruby to come along with them. Grant heard Charlie calling from the other side of the bar, but never commented on Ruby claiming to be Jake's girlfriend. Moments later Stacey rushed in still wearing her pyjamas under her coat and hugged Ruby, despite her being covered in blood.  
"Rubes, what happened? Oh my God! Look at you. What did Jake do?" Ruby was trying to pull away from her friend, but was shivering like mad and almost biting her tongue as her teeth were chattering so loudly. She muttered, 'accident' 'bottle' and 'can't leave him' before pulling away and following the paramedics as they carried Jake up the stairs and out to the ambulance. Grant and Stacey looked at one another with bewilderment and then turning on the scene of the accident they followed the others outside to where a crowd had gathered.

Ruby didn't really notice that half of the Square was out in their nightwear to see what was going on. Pauline was muttering something about the club always being where trouble started and Peggy was rallying the troops to help; seeming to think they were back in the Blitz rather than just bearing witness to a horrible accident. She tried to hug Ruby as she came out of Scarlet and told her they would make sure she was safe and other words of reassurance which were lost in Ruby's worried mind. Grant told Peggy to let her go with Jake and the younger bearded paramedic offered her a blanket to keep warm and ushered her into the back of the ambulance with 'her boyfriend', who had momentarily regained consciousness and asked for her.

"I'm here. I won't leave you Jake. I promise." Ruby said still crying, but with a stronger resolve now that she knew he had some proper care. Stacey was watching them with a bewildered look on her face and Charlie shouted that he'd come along behind in the cab. Grant was talking to the police officers who'd been dispatched with the ambulance, but all Ruby could do was cling to Jake's hand and tell him to hold on.

It felt like it had taken hours to get to the hospital, though in actual fact it had been a little over fifteen minutes. Given that the last time Ruby remembered looking at a clock had been as she discovered she was trapped in Scarlet with an intruder, she was even more fearful for Jake's condition when she saw that another hour and a half had passed since that point at 2.45a.m. Jake had been in and out of consciousness and losing blood for around an hour by the time the paramedics rushed him into accident and emergency. It was a realisation which didn't give Ruby much solace.

On arrival Jake was rushed into surgery and for a while all Ruby could do was sit a few corridors down from the operating theatre and answer questions for a doctor she recalled had taken care of her father in January. Again she was asked if she and Jake were related and almost without thought this time, she said she was his girlfriend. The doctor asked for a description of the accident which started Ruby crying again and it was recommended that she took a few moments to clean up in the bathroom and have some tea for the shock. By the time she'd been checked over herself and answered more questions about Jake; Stacey, Charlie and Peggy had all arrived and came to join her in a small relatives' room just down from theatre.  
"Is Jake going to be alright?" Peggy asked in an assertive tone which suggested everything could be sorted out. Ruby was trembling and mumbled her reply, that she hadn't heard anything yet. Charlie offered to go and ask a nurse at the station around the corner and Peggy seeing that Stacey wanted to talk to her friend, offered to go and get them all a cup of tea. As soon as she'd left the room Stacey moved to sit beside Ruby and held her hand.  
"Ruby? What happened in there? Why did you say you were Jake's girlfriend? Did you and he…" Stacey began, not really knowing where she was taking the question and glad to be interrupted.  
"It was my fault. I was so awful to him before and then… I didn't know it was him. I hit him so hard, Stace… oh God, what if he dies? What am I going to do? Stacey, I'm really scared." Ruby began to sob hard and Stacey put her arms around her friend's shoulders. After a few minutes Ruby got it together and rushed out to talk to a surgeon who had just come out of theatre.

"Is Jake okay? What's going on?" She said quickly. Again she was asked about her relationship to Jake and it was getting far easier for her to say they were a couple after the fifth time of being asked.  
"I'm afraid your boyfriend has suffered a severe head injury leaving him with a penetrating skull fracture. We have removed the glass from his occipital lobe and we are trying to restore his blood pressure to normal. We've given him three transfusions and are assessing what further care he needs. He will require at least another surgery, but I'm waiting on our anaesthesiologist. I'm afraid we can't tell you more until we know if he can be stabilised enough to go in and repair the severed blood vessels."

The surgeon was very matter of fact with Ruby; perhaps it was just his manner, but Ruby in her paranoid state thought that it were probably because he knew it was her that had caused the injury in the first place. He told her that he had to go back in and that he'd send someone to tell her when Jake had been moved to ICU. She managed not to cry while he was face to face with her, but the moment he turned away her eyes welled up with saltwater once again and Stacey, who had been hovering behind her, stepped up to comfort her.

"He'll be okay Ruby. He's young and healthy and he kept going till the ambulance got there, didn't he?" Peggy reasoned as they sat in the relatives' room silently sipping sweet tea from plastic cups.

It had been almost three hours and they had received no further word on Jake's condition. Charlie, who felt decidedly uncomfortable with why Ruby was so involved with Jake, had been wandering around the corridors trying to overhear any news. Stacey had brought Ruby clean clothes and having heard nothing for so long she suggested Ruby take a few moments to clean herself up and change into them to keep warm. Since she still didn't know what was going on between her friend and Jake, she offered some ambiguous words of comfort.

"Go on, Rubes. You don't want him to see you all covered in blood when he comes round. Go to the bathroom across the hall and get changed. I'll come and get you if anyone has any news." Peggy nodded reassuringly and Ruby reluctantly followed their advice and went to change.

As soon as she saw herself in the mirror she knew why they had been so keen for her to change her outfit. Her hair and face still wore smears of Jake's blood and her stylish new pink dress was now more brown and purple with soaked in blood and gin. Staring back at her swollen and bloodshot eyes Ruby bit her lower lip and took deep breaths through her nose to stop from crying. Jake's last words to her repeated in her brain and somehow in the lonely silence of the hospital bathroom, they stopped her tears from over flowing again. He'd been so kind to her; even after what she'd done to him… he'd called her sweetheart and promised not to leave her. She'd nearly killed him and still he was there for her. Not even Johnny could have made him go that far.

Ruby opened the backpack that Stacey had hurriedly packed her things into. There was a make-up bag, which she knew thankfully contained some shampoo and a comb. Stacey had obviously gauged her friend's needs well, as she emerged from Scarlet covered in what looked like half of Jake's blood. There was a wash cloth and towel from the bathroom and a clean warm outfit. Ruby washed her face and smoothed shampoo through her caked-up chocolate brown hair. Slowly she began to resemble herself again and with the restoration came new resolve to get through this night and make sure Jake knew how she felt about him. After tonight, she thought, she'd never hurt him again. She washed the blood from her hair and squeezed it dry with the towel. The small white porcelain sink was now red with bloody water and Ruby knew that it would take more than a sink full of water to wash every trace of blood, gin and vomit from her hair. The white towel was ruined when she was finished with it and her dress was unlikely to see a second outing. This rather abstract thought made her shiver. Part of her had been so certain she'd impress every male at Opening Night in her new dress, she'd had high hopes for it; if she'd known how the night would turn out, she'd have thought it a jinx to be so flamboyantly dressed. She combed her hair and washed the blood stains from her body as she changed into the clean underwear, jeans and sweater that Stacey had packed for her. Then almost feeling as if she could face everyone again, she took a moment and closed her eyes to wish for Jake to pull through.  
"Please let him be okay. I'll do anything I can to take care of him, just please let him recover and be able to live a normal life."

Stacey had been watching at the little window in the door of the relatives room for any sign of a doctor. Peggy had fallen asleep on a squeaky leather chair which made rude sounds and woke her up every time she tried to get comfortable. Charlie was pacing around the hallway listening out for news at the nurses' station. It was Stacey that first noticed the exhausted looking surgeon emerge from the corridor that led to the operating room that had housed Jake for the last four and a half hours. She rushed across the hall in front of him and called through the bathroom door to Ruby. The surgeon referred to the forms that Ruby had filled in earlier with the help of the nurse.

"Miss Allen?" Ruby nodded. "I'm Mr Costigan and I operated on your boyfriend. He is now in our intensive treatment unit, you can go in and see him, but first I need to fill you in on his condition." Ruby's face flashed with relief and had she been catholic she'd probably have made the sign of the cross, she was so thankful for Jake's reprieve from death. She'd begun to feel the slightest glimmer of hope when the surgeon worried her again with the hesitation in his voice.

"I'm afraid there were a few complications treating Mr Moon. The head trauma and the severe loss of blood he suffered because of it meant that he was deprived of oxygen flow to his brain for a period of time. This led to an ischemic stroke due to a blood clot in one of his arteries. We've removed the clot and have begun to treat him with anticoagulant drugs to stop any further clots forming in his brain. We are monitoring the fluid at the site of the skull fracture to insure it doesn't increase beyond safe levels, but he may need further surgery to correct this. He has also suffered damage to his right ear and although we have made repairs to his tympanic membrane we believe it is likely that the perforation is quite serious. We won't know if this will lead to permanent hearing loss in that ear until he comes to and any swelling of his brain has gone down."

Here the surgeon paused and gave Ruby a calculating look before continuing in his explanation.

"I'm afraid that while we were treating Jake we had to increase the amount of anaesthetic several times to keep him from awakening during the neurosurgery. As we later discovered he had a very high blood alcohol level it may be possible that he will remain unconscious for quite a while."

At this point, tears were welling in Ruby's eyes and she was distracted form the Mr Costigan's demeanour with all the worry about Jake's shocking injuries. Stacey however was paying close attention and noticed that the surgeon was a little more apprehensive when he mentioned the alcohol Jake had been drinking before the accident. She didn't voice her concern then, but kept it in mind to mention to Ruby later that perhaps it was the hospital's mistake that Jake wasn't waking up.

"We'd normally be keeping a patient in a coma for some time after such extensive surgery anyway; in order for his brain to have time to recover and his body to gain in strength before he is conscious and can feel any pain. We'll be monitoring him closely and you are welcome to stay with him as long as you like."

The surgeon seemed to be calmer now and Stacey eyed him suspiciously wondering if he had been the one to screw up. Mr Costigan regarded her coldly, but catching Ruby's eye he smiled kindly and nodded his head as if to say, 'well that's it then.' Stacey held Ruby's hand and smiled supportively offering to stay at the hospital with her for as long as she liked. As the surgeon made attempts to walk away he cast a glance back at her and she noticed his anxiety turn to a look of gentle reassurance when Ruby offered up her own questions.

"Will he have any disability, because of the stroke…? I mean people do, don't they?" Ruby asked fretfully.

Mr Costigan explained how from the parts of Jake's brain which had been damaged; he may suffer some memory loss, problems with vision, speech and mobility. He prepared Ruby for the fact that Jake was likely to be both physically and psychologically affected by his injuries; but assured her that the hospital would provide plenty of advice and care. Ruby thanked the surgeon for looking after Jake and asked where she had to go to see him. Her heart was racing from all the heightened emotion brought on by the sudden reveal of so much information following so many hours of anxiety. She told herself that at least Jake was alive. However much he was affected by the head injury or stroke, she'd be there to help him. She'd make sure he got well and then they could both look forward to the future. A future that she was beginning to hope would always see them together.

As Tuesday turned into Wednesday and then Thursday and Friday followed without any sign of Jake regaining consciousness, Ruby's nerves were shattered and questions had to be raised. After three nights at the hospital, rarely leaving Jake's bedside and sleeping and eating very little; Stacey thought that Ruby had been struggling enough and that it was time her friend knew of her suspicions, however ridiculous they might sound.

Delicately bringing up the subject, Stacey explained how she had asked Dr Cousins, in passing, what effect alcohol had on anaesthetic. It hadn't needed much guesswork for him to realise Stacey was asking on behalf of Ruby, and Oliver had been very considerate and offered his support before going into any detail; something Ruby appreciated immensely knowing he would be the first line of treatment for Jake should Ruby be able to take him home. Oliver also told Stacey some useful information about different kinds of anaesthetic being used for alcoholic patients, though she couldn't remember names or figures in order to fill Ruby in completely. Stacey told her friend that Oliver had gone on to describe confusing medical scenarios that might have complicated things. Stacey summarised what she remembered, giving a pretty plausible explanation for why Jake was still in a coma; other than that which the Mr Costigan had been offering. Because Jake had been drinking a lot before the accident, it could confuse his blood alcohol tests and with transfusions thrown in to the mix as well, it wasn't a great leap to suggest that the combined effects of large amounts of alcohol and the wrong anaesthetic could have had an extremely negative effect on Jake's brain function.

"You're saying the surgeon made a mistake and made Jake worse?" Ruby began in a scathing tone that Stacey recalled Johnny using when the two girls had become friends and he had wanted her to leave his privately educated, middle-class daughter well alone.

"Well I don't know Rubes, but he just seemed strange about that and since Jake… well he's been out for a long time, hasn't he?"

Ruby was on her feet and ready to spit fire in seconds. She'd talked to Mr Costigan, who had come to her during those terrifying hours of Tuesday morning, several times since then and now in hindsight, his evasiveness seemed clear. He'd been taking a lot of tests, even took Jake back into surgery twice to repair CSF leaks, but now Ruby wondered what else he had been trying to fix that he'd done wrong in his first surgery. After spending the last four days blaming herself for everything and thinking that Jake may never wake up because of her own stupidity, she leapt on the opportunity to find some other reason that their lives were being torn apart. She was only to ready to acknowledge her own mistakes; but if someone had made Jake's condition worse because of an inappropriate treatment, she was going to make sure they paid for it.  
Stacey had never seen Ruby so angry. Not even when she discovered how Phil Mitchell had put Juley up to sleeping with her, just to get back at her father, had she been so close to ripping someone's head off. The surgeon didn't know what hit him; since he'd been paranoid about the situation ever since he chose to keep his mistake to himself, you'd have thought he'd have been more composed. Ruby yelled at him in front of a whole bank of nurses and the hospital's new chief of internal medicine, accusing him of leaving her boyfriend for dead. Mr Costigan just stood there staring at her numbly, fully aware that his new boss and the nursing staff who already had a dislike for him, were paying close attention.

Stacey was standing a few feet away in the doorway to Jake's room when Ruby momentarily lost grip on reality and punched the surgeon square in the jaw. He fell backwards over the nurses' desk; since many of them had grown close to Ruby and felt sorry for her falling asleep in a chair holding Jake's hand every night, not a single one of them went to the Mr Costigan's aid. It was Mr Franks his new boss that eventually offered the man his hand and began to calm Ruby down.

"Miss Allen, I'm sure there is an explanation for all this and why don't we go and look over your boyfriend's notes right now and…"

Realising that the game was up Mr Costigan finally saw that he had no choice but to own up to his almost fatal error. If Jake died because he was covering up a mistake brought on by exhaustion and the fact that he was too preoccupied with the prospect of his wife discovering he was having it away with one of his new assistants, he'd not only be struck off but also imprisoned for a very long time. His words hurried out in a muddle after so long keeping them all bottled up. He admitted to an error in choosing the right anaesthetic which had left Jake unresponsive and in a coma. While his claim that this was done on purpose to aid recovery, could have been true; with Jake this was not the case. What was worse, he then admitted that the only way that he could cover up his mistake was by letting it seem that it was all done on purpose. Therefore a greater concern was raised, as he had not been giving Jake the right medication to enable him to recover consciousness, he may have left Jake open to further health complications, such as meningitis and pneumonia.

"How dare you, lie to me all this time. I've been sitting there thinking that Jake may die and you could have helped him just by admitting you'd screwed up. I want someone else to give my boyfriend the treatment that he should have been getting for the last few days and if he has any other infections or suffers further injury for this I'll make sure you go to prison for a very long time."  
By this point the chief was making every promise he could in order to appease Ruby. They would reassess Jake's treatment immediately; if he could be brought out of the coma, they would endeavour to do so right away and he would be getting the best of care from this point on. Mr Costigan knew that he was about to be charged with dangerous professional misconduct and Ruby was only too happy to go to a solicitor about it. She told them all that she was going to have Jake transferred to a private hospital with specialist care as soon as he was able to be moved. Then as if the vitality with which her friend had flew at the medical professionals wasn't shocking enough, her final contemptuous comment stunned Stacey, but for altogether different reasons.

"You nearly killed the man I love. If you think I am going to let this go, because you've apologised, then you have another thing coming! I am not going to let you get away with this."


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three

Some people say that you can talk to someone in a coma or play them music and although they may be unable to respond, it's possible that they can hear you; they may even have a reality of their own playing on in their minds, in which their loved ones cannot take part. Whether Jake would be able to recall it or not at a later date, his first few days in a coma were uneventful. Ruby had been crying at his side and begging him to wake up for over one hundred hours, but for Jake it were as though no more than a few minutes had passed since he last called out to her as he were pulled into the brightly lit ambulance.

When he woke to find her lying close to him on the cold bathroom floor and saw her covered in blood, his confused mind had begun to tell him that it was she who was really hurt. He tried to move so he could look after her, but no sooner had he told his muscles to shift and urged himself to do something to stop the pain she must be going through, he had once again slipped out of the conscious realm and back into an all enveloping warm cloud. He tried to reassure her, but his voice was hoarse and he couldn't be sure whether or not he was saying the things that he had been thinking or not. Somewhere inside it, his mind was registering pain, but it was as though he had turned the ability to feel it down to a minimum and although his body was beginning to shut down, all he had were his vague thoughts and the urge to keep going for Ruby's sake.

He remembered that he'd called for her to get into the ambulance and the paramedic had given her a blanket. She had someone looking after her and he would be there… he just needed a little rest and then he'd make sure she was taken care of. He just had to recover his strength and then he could make things better. They would talk and he'd explain why he was so screwed up. He'd tell her the truth about Danny and they really could get past it and move on with their lives. He just needed a little time to get better.

So far it had been four days and by the looks of him it would be a lot longer before he were taking care of anything but himself. Jake's head had been shaved and other than a few wires monitoring his brain function, it was almost entirely covered in bandages. His neck and the left side of his face bore many cuts and scrapes from the broken glass that he had collapsed onto. The back of his head, which was held in place on the flattened bed with foam supports, had been stitched and the deep wounds were dressed in thick gauze to protect against any bacteria entering his brain through the slowly healing skull fracture. His right ear had been bound up so that the corrective surgery had time to take effect and due to the possible damage to his eyesight, both eyes had been covered with gauze in case he did awaken and injured himself further when he discovered that he couldn't see. He'd broken his left wrist when he fell hard onto it and a shard of glass had dug into his left side causing reparable damage to his liver.

It was no wonder that visitors found it difficult to see Ruby so consumed with Jake's condition. Stacey, Grant, Charlie, Peggy, Pat and even Phil had been in to see how Jake was doing. They were all shocked by her devotion to him, but made no effort to make her leave his side if she didn't want to. Everyone kept telling her that it was an accident and that it wasn't her fault, but in her heart she knew it was entirely down to her that Jake was in the condition he was. She wasn't going to shy away from her promise to take care of him, even if seeing him in such a terrible condition made her own guilt so strong.

When it came down to it, the physical signs of Jake's suffering weren't what were screwing Ruby up. What she was most worried about, was how he'd be when he woke up. The doctors had warned her that Jake may be unable to see or hear properly, if at all. He may be unable to walk and have what they had called aphasia, where he may not know how to speak, or may just talk fluent gibberish, because his occipital lobe had been damaged. She had been holding his right hand for days hoping that he'd show some sign of life; hoping that the doctors were exaggerating and Jake would wake up healthy even after the stroke. She knew it was a long shot, but as long as he could see and hear, she'd help him learn to walk and speak properly again. Ruby told him while he was sleeping that she'd always be there for him and make up for the hardships she had caused him.

The one outcome of his accident and the subsequent stroke that she felt would be easier to live with was the possibility that Jake would suffer some memory loss. In this she found a strange sense of comfort. He'd been torturing himself about killing Danny and not being a better brother to him, so that he'd never have had to shoot him out in Essex, so much over the last month. Ruby thought maybe it would be better if he couldn't remember that part of his life. She also felt like it would be easier for them to move forward if he didn't remember what a bitch she had been to him since then too. As she held his hand and talked to him for hours about the club and what she wanted to do in the future, what they would do together and how she'd make him better; she couldn't escape the fact that she wanted him to forget how they had been with one another before the accident had happened. As more and more time passed, she found herself growing closer to Jake; through her guilt and the medical professionals' assumptions about her devoted love for her boyfriend, it became easy to see him as such. She found herself almost hoping that he'd forgotten what they were to one another before and that when he woke up he'd be as eager to accept her love for him as she was to give it.

With Mr Costigan relieved of duty, Jake was now getting the correct treatment and in answer to Ruby's prayers he was beginning to show signs of coming round. The new consultant had done hours worth of tests on Jake during Saturday afternoon and when Ruby was eventually able to go back and sit with him again; she was thrilled to be able to talk to him more enthusiastically. If Jake hadn't have been confused enough about his feelings before the accident, he definitely was, when through a fog of unconsciousness, he made out Ruby's voice planning their future together.

"Oh Jake, I wish you could hear me. I'm so sorry that you are going through so much pain and that I didn't see before that that horrible surgeon was hurting you. I just want you to wake up. I've been thinking about all the things the doctors have said and you'll need looking after, when you get out of here. I didn't know what I was meant to do when my Dad went to prison, but now I do. I'll look after you Jake. I'll have the house fixed up. You know, because Dad was the landlord, I can get the keys and I'll make 41 so good for you to come home to. I'll take care of you Jake. It's what I'm meant to do, I know it is. I love you Jake. Please wake up now, sweetheart. I need you to wake up."

Grant had been to visit the hospital quite a few times during those first few days and Ruby was always glad of his support and candour about how to deal with the situations she found herself in. He had cleared things up with the police on her behalf and they would not be following up the investigation of the accident any further. Scarlet was running smoothly and drawing in plenty of punters, mainly the ones who had heard about the accident and had a morbid fascination for hearing gruesome details. Of course all the locals wished Jake well and sent their best wishes. Grant didn't tell Ruby how the club had also been a hive of intrigue for those eager to know why she was hanging around Jake so devotedly, despite the hostility between them in the weeks prior to the fateful Opening Night. He'd thought it best to let her deal with the situation in her own way, but as he pushed the door open and caught the tail end of her emotional monologue to Jake, he considered that it might be time to take a different tack.

Ruby heard the door squeaking open behind her and turned to see Grant wearing a rather concerned expression. Defensively she let go of Jake's hand and turned with an exhausted smile towards where Grant was taking a seat behind her.  
"They told me that he is showing signs of improvement." She said happily, but Grant's grave demeanour never altered. "That's good news, don't you think?"

"Yes of course. I'm glad to hear it. It's just… well, I don't want to upset you or anything; I know you've had a tough time…"

Grant was hardly the diplomat, and it never usually mattered with Ruby. Since she had been lied to for so long by Johnny, she now seemed to appreciate being told, even upsetting truths. This however seemed very different. Grant reached to hold her hand, and with a furrowed brow he struggled to find the right words.

"What happened before the accident, Ruby? We talked about how you and Jake were getting along and I told you some, probably painful, details of that day back at your place in Essex. Then I never saw you again… until you were telling the paramedics that you were Jake's girlfriend. I let it go, you seemed to know what you were doing and you've certainly made sure he gets the best care."

"I just wanted to look after him. He's gone out of his way for me and I treated him badly because I didn't know… I didn't know what he'd been through." Ruby was blushing and pulled her hand away from Grant to fretfully fiddle with her hair.

"I know that you didn't mean for the accident to happen and that you feel bad for being so tough on him since we returned from Essex. You've had a really bad time lately and you're just a kid… I don't know what I'd have done in your place."

Ruby had a feeling that he knew exactly what he'd have done and was just trying to handle her gently. She definitely didn't appreciate being called a kid after everything she'd been through; she certainly wasn't the school girl who had arrived in Walford little more than a year ago. Leaving boarding school for a life in the east end of the capital, had been a steep learning curve and she now felt far from that child who had arrived and been mugged while looking for her Dad's new home.

"I'm not a child Grant! I feel guilty for putting Jake in this condition and like a fool for not giving him the chance to explain before things got so nasty between us. Is it a crime for me to care about him? What have I done that is so wrong?"

She had more strength to her voice now and Grant had to admit that she was no meek and mild little girl. Recent events had changed her, but just spending a year with her father must have made her grow up very quickly. He had to respect her gall for facing up to everyone who whispered behind her back about Johnny. She was turning into a smart business woman too, he couldn't deny it. Added to that, Stacey's reports of how she'd tackled that surgeon, illustrated that she was quite a tough cookie and just how far she was willing to go for Jake in particular.

Grant wasn't confronting her about her feelings for Jake in order to hurt her, in truth it was quite the opposite. They were both very alone in the world and he could even understand why she felt that she and Jake had been thrown together for a reason. He bore neither of them any ill will and if they wanted to get together, he wasn't going to have any issue with it. He'd been pointedly ignoring all the comments in the club about why Ruby was so involved with a man more than ten years her senior. Grant didn't have the right to comment given his history after all. His reason for discussing it now, wasn't malicious. He just didn't want her to be broken hearted when Jake woke up and didn't have feelings for her in return.

"I'm not saying you shouldn't care for him, I'm sure he'd appreciate all you've done for him and that you want to help him to get better. I'm just saying that… well don't you think you are getting in a bit deep emotionally?" Grant felt horrible saying it and Ruby's embarrassed silence gave him pause for thought, long enough, to hope that Courtney would stay away from boys for quite a few years yet.

"I can't help how I feel…" She began defensively. "People don't choose who they fall in love with do they?"

Little did Ruby know, but she'd touched on a subject that Grant had far too much knowledge of, in the current circumstances. He and Jane had been conducting quite a risqué relationship of their own over the last week or so. He had to agree with Ruby, that you don't decide to fall in love, it just grabs hold of you, often when you least expect it. The problem with her situation was that Jake wasn't even aware that she had fallen for him in that way, let alone having the same feelings for her. Whatever had made Ruby feel that Jake was the one for her, Grant couldn't keep letting her kid herself that he was going to wake and want to marry her or something.

"I just want you to be realistic Ruby. Jake is going to have a tough time ahead of him. He may not be ready for a relationship. It wasn't that long ago he found out his ex had buried her husband under our cellar floor, remember?"

Ruby didn't particularly want to remember that and told Grant so. He then pointed out that she couldn't just forget the past because it didn't make her feel very good. Then somehow reading her mind, he also told her that Jake couldn't either. If they wanted to make a future together it would have to be an honest one, since the hospital was the only place their secrets had got them so far.

"If you do want something to come of your feelings for Jake then you can't start by playing games with him. The doctors haven't exactly given him promise of a glowing future and if you want to be there for him it isn't going to be easy."

"I don't want it to be easy!" Ruby retorted angrily. "I mean, I don't expect it to be, I just want to be there for him. He's kind and decent and maybe I am moving too quickly, but I… I don't want to lose him." She paused and turned to look at Jake, this time more comfortable taking his hand in her own, while Grant watched her and beginning to understand the compassion she showed Jake.

"I trust him. I think that was why I was so angry at him over Danny. I always thought he was the reliable, honest one of them. I felt that he'd let me down. Everyone was letting me down and turning into a horrible version of the people I knew. It wasn't until Jake was practically dying in front of me that I realised why I was so mad at him about that. I didn't have any stability in my life. For the longest time, I've felt alone and at a distance from the real world. Jake was there for me, he made me face reality; even if I did throw it back in his face at first. I made a mistake… we both made mistakes. Maybe Jake won't love me. Maybe I'll end up crying into a pillow or leaving Walford from embarrassment, but that's reality isn't it?"

Grant had gone there expecting Ruby to see through her childish fantasy affair, with a few words to set her straight. He genuinely thought that he could knock the silly crush on the head before Jake ever had to be troubled by it. Now after broaching the difficult subject with Ruby and discussing it all frankly, he began to see that maybe it wasn't all as daft as he'd thought. Perhaps listening to too many busy-body locals had made him as bitter and prejudiced as they were. Maybe he'd just got into the habit of being a father-figure and saw that Ruby had needed one, now that her own was rightfully banged up. As he watched her cradling Jake's hand in her own and trying to hold back her tears, he'd found himself making a different conclusion than the one he'd expected the visit to come to. Sometimes love crops up in the oddest places; his current situation made that fact impossible to deny. Maybe Ruby and Jake would have the strength to make something of their difficult past together; maybe they'd even have enough love between them to shut up all the gossips back in the square. He told Ruby to keep her chin up and patted Jake on the shoulder on his way out.

"Hurry up and wake up, eh mate? You're going to drive her crazy, if you don't."

Ruby shouting at Grant had stirred Jake a little. Since his medication had been changed the day before, he was becoming more alert by the hour. The strain of recovering from such severe injuries still left him unconscious for most of the time, but there were odd occasions where instead of feeling completely lost, he felt as though he were just being stirred from a deep sleep full of vivid and confusing dreams. Hearing some of what Ruby had been saying lately was even more confusing than the dreams and under the pressure of trying to make sense of things; he'd tired himself out again before he could fully awaken. It therefore wasn't until he had a quiet moment, when Ruby had nodded off and the nurses were in between their rounds, that he felt able to temporarily pull himself out of the quagmire of unconsciousness.

"Ruby." He mumbled dreamily. "Where… are you? Ruby?" His voice was hoarse and trying to speak made his throat sting, but he was worried that she was hurt and unable to reply. "Ruby! Are you… by me? Can't see? Why not… seeing? Someone…"

"Jake! Oh God, Jake can you hear me? It's okay… I'm here with you." She said groggily trying to wake up from her nap on the chair beside him. She rang the alarm and held his hand tightly.

"Ruby… you okay?" he croaked, starting to cough and reaching with his broken wrist to try and pull at the dressings on his eyes, getting agitated at his inability to see her or hear properly. His ears were ringing and felt like he'd had headphones on too loudly.

Ruby carefully pulled his hand away from his face and held it over his chest as she moved to speak into his good ear. He felt her breath on his neck and recognised the sweet scent of her perfume, which reassured him a little; but had her hand not been gently holding his away from his face he'd have continued to pull at the dressings on his eyes.

"Jake, can you hear me?" She said quite loudly. He squeezed her hand and mumbled something incoherent before clearing his throat and starting to cough again. Since the nurse still hadn't arrived, Ruby got Jake a little water and very carefully lifted under his shoulder so he could tilt his head to sip it. Most of the water spilt over the bed, but Jake managed to swallow enough to stop coughing and finally acknowledge that he could hear Ruby.

"Where are you? Ruby… you okay?" He asked trying again to pull at the dressings on his eyes and pulling at the bandages over his head. He set off an alarm having yanked out a monitoring wire from under his head dressings and instinctively he shifted away from the noise, proving to Ruby that he could at least hear in his left ear well enough to be annoyed by the sound.

"I'm okay Jake. Please, sweetheart, don't pull at the bandages. The doctor will be here soon and he'll help you. Please just hold still for me."

Hearing that he was covered in bandages and monitors made Jake even more distressed and he pulled his good hand away from Ruby and tugged at the gauze over his eyes. Ruby tried to stop him but he pushed her hands away and told her in a fierce tone to let go. The doctor arrived just as Jake had managed to pull the dressing off his right eye and was blinking at the bright lights above his bed.

"Okay Mr Moon, hold on a moment there. You'll hurt yourself pulling at the dressings like that." The new doctor was much more sympathetic and kindly, but his professionalism showed in his tone of voice and where Ruby had had no effect on Jake's urgency to peel back the gauze on his eyes, the doctor's opinion went a little more respected.

"Where am I?" Jake asked, still hoarse from the anaesthetic. "What is wrong with me? I can't see."

Ruby was standing back a little from the bed, feeling awkward and wondering how to behave now that she could no longer just be judged by her devoted appearance. She put her hand to her mouth restlessly and started to bite her nails when she heard Jake exclaim that he could no longer see. He sounded so angry and wasn't showing the vulnerability she'd expected him to at all. Suddenly it dawned on her that Grant maybe right; Jake wasn't going to take waking up with such disabilities well. Ruby began to fear that given that she was the reason he was in that condition in the first place, he may not want anything to do with her at all, let alone be responsive to her affections. A tear unknowingly ran down her cheek and bumped over her pale fingers. The doctor offered her a comforting smile as he moved around the bed to examine Jake's right eye properly; it meant very little to Ruby knowing that he had been given false information about their relationship, from the start.

"Okay Jake, I'm going to shine a light in your eye and I'd like you to try and follow it for me, if you could. Let me know anything that you can see okay?" Jake did as he was asked and Ruby held her breath, hoping that he'd see at least a little and give them both the hope of improvement.

"It's like seeing through a white sheet. I can see bright… foggy… just shapes. Where's Ruby?" He asked while wrinkling his nose and trying to pick out the familiar scent of her perfume amongst the sterile smell of the hospital chemicals.

"Your girlfriend is right here. She hasn't left your side, since surgery, don't worry. Let's just take a look at your other eye now, shall we?"

Jake was confused and probably would have mentioned that Ruby wasn't his girlfriend; but he was more concerned about his sight at the time. The recent odd dreams and the inescapable feeling that he had uncomfortable memories lingering below the surface of his current anxiety, kept him from making any statements that he wasn't sure of. He was obviously in a bad way; better not add to everyone's fears for him, by acting like he'd forgotten everyone who meant anything to him.

It did seem strange that he, a man who had turned thirty, was in a relationship with Ruby who hadn't yet reached eighteen. His previous girlfriends had been older, in fact the age gap with Chrissie was entirely in the opposite direction, but then each and every one of them had ended in disaster, perhaps it wasn't so crazy to think that he had found something with Ruby that had always been missing with his usual type. Despite his suspicions about whether or not they were in a relationship, he knew that she'd instinctively been his first thought upon awakening; which had to mean something, didn't it? He was too disorientated to search his feelings for answers, while the doctor poked and prodded him, but he knew in his heart that he cared deeply for Ruby. If he couldn't remember their becoming a couple and it had to have happened fairly recently if they were, then it was probably too soon to feel as though he were in love with her. Maybe searching for some deeper feeling would be fruitless in any case. He decided not to dwell on the thought too much; it wasn't like he was up to doing anything physical at the moment in any case.

The doctor carefully removed the gauze from his left eye and after the initial discomfort of the brightly lit room wore off he was thankfully able to see much better. He followed the doctors little torch and even managed to pull focus a little to see Ruby off on his right biting her nails in agitation. He worried for her, there had to be a reason that he cared so much, maybe it was best to just take things one step at a time.

"Ruby… You stayed with me?" He smiled; glad to see that she was okay.

The doctor told Jake to stop moving his head so he could examine his eye properly, but Jake was distracted and when the doctor held his chin in place so he couldn't keep looking away, Jake held out his hand and beckoned Ruby closer. She was shaking as she took his hand this time, even though she'd been doing it without a thought all week. He squeezed her hand a little and tried to comfort her.

"It's going to be alright now. Don't be scared of me." He suddenly felt very tired again and his eyelids felt heavy after the strain of the tests. The doctor glanced at Ruby, when he heard Jake's reassurances to her, thinking she'd be worried that he'd made mistakes in his speech. He calmly told her that confusing words was common given Jake's condition and that he was sure that Jake wouldn't want her to worry about him. She nodded, but didn't have the nerve to explain to him that Jake probably wasn't making any mistake in his speech.

Once the doctors had completed a myriad of tests on Jake and he was frequently waking up for longer spells at a time, they encouraged Ruby to go home for a proper rest. While she didn't want to leave him for many reasons, she knew that she also needed time to recuperate from all the traumatic events of the last week. Whether she feared Jake would get used to her not being around and no longer need her company, or that he might tell the nurses that she wasn't his girlfriend, she'd just have to take the consequences when she returned. She had to accept that the doctors were right; she did need to get a proper sleep, if she was hoping to nurse him back to health.

After being with Jake so long and having only one thought, for his health and their relationship to recover, she felt awful having to say goodbye to him, even for a night. She waited until he'd been awake for a little while and was lucid enough to follow the conversation, then took the opportunity to tell him she was going back to the Slater's.

"Jake, the doctors have suggested that I go home for tonight… I don't have to… if you want me to stay with you…" He smiled and patted her arm, as she leant close to his good ear to talk to him without shouting. He still couldn't hear in his left ear and the vision in his right eye was very flawed, but so far his speech didn't seem to be affected too much and he seemed to remember what had happened to him pretty clearly.

"It's okay. You go home and rest. You didn't have to stay with me all this time. I'm glad you aren't hurt. When I saw all the blood on you… I thought you'd been attacked too." Ruby let a tear run down her cheek and Jake looked worried for her again immediately. "Don't cry… hey, I'll be okay."

"Jake it was me that hit you!" she exclaimed, unable to hide her guilt or let him believe that they'd been attacked by an intruder even for a moment. She watched as his brow furrowed and he struggled to recall what had happened, her heart raced so fast that she thought it would burst right out of her chest. Then to her relief Jake laughed.

"You mean… I was the person you thought had broken into the club? I remember your call. I was so wasted… I came to help you… I heard you screaming and I tried to get to you and then… I was on the floor and you were there all covered in blood. Hell, I must have bled a lot!"

Ruby was stunned. The last thing she'd expected Jake to do was laugh, but she concluded that he must have been feeling so guilty that he couldn't protect her, that finding he had had nothing to protect her from was the sort of thing that made you either laugh or go crazy. Fortunately he'd done too much of the latter lately to want to bother with it again.

"I'm truly sorry, Jake. It was dark and I was scared… I didn't know that you had stayed at the club after we argued. I'm so very sorry, Jake. I have been so horrible to you lately and you didn't deserve it." Ruby said wiping her eyes on the back of her sleeve and sniffing hard.

"Well at least now I know you can look after yourself." He chuckled before wincing at the pain in his side, where he'd been opened up to repair his liver. "You… ah! You obviously don't need me trying to protect you all the time. Not that I seem much good at it."

At this Ruby pulled her hand away, hurt by the suggestion that Jake didn't want to be around her anymore, or didn't feel the need to be at any rate. He turned to look at her better and was obviously confused by her reaction.

"What is it Ruby? What did I say to upset you? I didn't think you wanted me trying to run your life for you. Your Dad wanted me to look out for you, I think he… no his solicitor… yeah that was it… he said to run Scarlet for you, for your future. You were angry at me… I shouldn't have been interfering…"

Jake was beginning to ramble and it was the first time that Ruby noticed he had any trouble with his memory. For a moment it occurred to her that she could tell him they had got together before the accident and he wouldn't know any different, but through experience she knew lying wasn't the way to go. What's more Grant knew the truth and wouldn't let her lie to Jake over something so important. He still had his misgivings about the age gap between them, it was best not to get on the wrong side of him and have him turn Jake against her. Especially since it sounded like a lot of the Square had their own ideas about the inappropriateness of their relationship even before it had begun. She took Jake's hand again and leant closer to speak to him.

"I didn't know why you wanted to help me, I thought my Dad had made you spy on me or something and I don't want anything to do with him after… after what he did. I was scared that he'd put you up to it all."

Jake tried to find some way to put Ruby's mind at rest, but he couldn't remember what had made him so desperate to take care of her in the first place. He remembered feeling like it was the only thing that mattered in his life, but he couldn't remember why he'd come to the conclusion. It didn't seem to fit that he'd done it for Johnny Allen. His hatred for that particular man was one thing he hadn't blotted out. No, he genuinely wanted to make sure Ruby was protected. Could they really have been falling in love and he'd forgotten it? The doctor had sounded so sure when he said Ruby was his girlfriend. Jake mentally scolded himself for being so confused and forgetful, but realised that he couldn't take the time to dwell on it. Ruby had been very quiet with him the few times he'd been awake, and now she'd finally got talking to him properly he didn't want to stop her flow. If they were together then his reservations about them being more intimate, were probably already pretty heartbreaking for her.

"I guess I don't need you to protect me, Jake. I'm not the little girl my Dad saw me as for so long. I can look after myself, better than anyone seems to think…It doesn't mean that I don't… that I wouldn't miss you if you weren't there for me."

Jake smiled genuinely pleased that she seemed to care for him so much and pulled her hand up to softly kiss the back of it.

"You're my guardian angel. I think it's obvious I'm not going anywhere in a hurry. You go home and rest. The doctors are taking good care of me; you need to get some sleep."

At the mention of sleep he couldn't help but yawn again, and since he'd been awake for a record of seventy-two minutes, it was probably time he had another sleep too. Ruby, relieved that Jake wasn't about to dismiss her from his life forever and swooning a little at his flattery, decided that it would be okay to go back to the Slater's.

"Okay, I'll go, but ask them to call me at Stacey's if you need me. I'll go and get you some things from your house, if you want me to?" She offered, feeling the bond between them getting stronger again. Jake yawned and was beginning to nod off again.

"There isn't much to get… Me and Danny travel light, always have… You could get him to bring me some pyjamas or something and a tooth brush… I'm starting to feel a bit self-conscious having all the nurses looking at me in this gown." He smiled, and seemed to be perfectly content and ready to fall into a peaceful sleep.

Ruby however, was struck dumb. Things seemed to be going so much better than she'd imagined when she was begging Jake to just wake up a few days ago. He was even happy to have her close to him and she'd dreaded him sending her away or hating her for the accident. Now reality had taken a nasty turn and she didn't have a clue how to react. Jake was already half asleep and she didn't want to cause him anymore pain, when he was still very weak and vulnerable. She told him she'd do what she could and stifled tears for long enough to say goodbye.

"Ruby?" He called dozily as she stood up to leave. "Thanks for being with me."

She swallowed hard and leant close to wish him sweet dreams, knowing they might be the last he had for a long time. She knew it was opportunistic of her, but couldn't help leaning close to kiss him on the cheek. It felt like once she told him the truth about Danny her wishful thinking would be over, they'd be back to their painful pasts and she'd never have the chance to show him that she loved him ever again.

Jake reached up weakly with his good hand to stroke her hair and moved to meet her lips as his head filled with the scent of her close to him. He still couldn't recall if something had happened to bring them together or not. It felt strange that people called Ruby his girlfriend, but he felt good when she was there with him. He felt close to her and safe with her watching over him. Their mouths met for a tender moment and she flushed feeling him close his mouth over her top lip, his warm breath tingling against her skin and then his hand fell away as he mumbled to her before falling asleep.

"Sleep well, sweetheart. I'll see you… in the morning."


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter Four**

Ruby hardly said a word to Charlie as he took her home in his cab on a fresh warm Sunday afternoon. All she could think about was how she was going to tell Jake that Danny was dead. She'd quickly ruled out the option of keeping quiet about it and saying she didn't know where his brother was. Not only did it feel immoral to lie to him like that, she also knew that there was a distinct possibility that as he regained his good health, his memory would return and he'd figure it out for himself. Perhaps she could let him discover the truth in his own time and explain herself later by saying she thought that knowing what he did to Danny would further impair his recovery. The idea had some appeal; but any hope she had of him falling in love with her would be lost if he found out she'd deliberately kept the truth from him, whatever reason she gave later.

He'd been hurt terribly because of her fear and inability to just come forward and ask him where they stood. Honesty wasn't just the best policy, it rapidly seemed like the only one she had. On the trip home she came to the conclusion that leaving him to find out in his own time also meant the chance of him being alone and vulnerable when he did. She'd seen how screwed up he was when they returned from Essex; in his current condition, she didn't like his chances of getting through the trauma of the realisation a second time. She had no real choice but to tell him and soon, before he recovered the wretched memory for himself.

"I was so glad to hear you were coming home, Rubes." Stacey grinned cheerfully as she sleepily plodded into the Slater's with Charlie. "I'd have come with Uncle Charlie, but someone had to mind the screaming monster for Mo."

"It's okay… I'm not much company anyway. I think I just need to get some sleep." Ruby said trying to excuse herself to have some time alone as quickly as possible.

"Loads of people have been sending their best wishes, you know." Stacey told her friend. "They were all glad to hear that Jake is getting better… and it's good to have you home."

Ruby was glad of everyone's compassion, but she had a feeling Stacey would also have been asked some funny questions about what Ruby was doing spending so long at the hospital with Jake Moon. She really didn't want to get into all that right now. Quickly realising that Stacey wasn't going to take her silence and reluctance to dish the dirt on her 'thing' for Jake, Ruby decided that she'd go to the club and see the only other person that she could trust with her dilemma, Grant.

"Well you have to tell him." Grant said once she'd finished explaining to him about Jake's missing memory in the office of Scarlet where it had all kicked off in the first place.

There was no doubt in his voice and her face fell knowing that he was right. She'd hoped he'd offer her some way out, maybe say he'd tell Jake himself. Though really she knew it would be best coming from her. He'd reached out to her and whether he was going along with the relationship stuff, just because he couldn't remember or not, they had shared something that morning. Something she didn't want to lose.

"It's going to be hard on him, Ruby. You weren't' there when he tried to top himself. He and Danny had their differences and he probably wanted to kill him quite often knowing what a little idiot he could be, but he never meant to do it. He really loved his brother."

Grant paused, if it hadn't have been for Jake he'd be dead and it would have been his brother feeling the betrayal; that's if Danny hadn't have gone on to kill Phil as well. Grant had no doubt in his mind, that Jake had had no choice in what he did.

"The only reason he kept going was for you. I guess he felt bad for you being left alone, when your Dad got put away. He's always been looking after someone, when it wasn't Danny it was that Chrissie Watts…" Grant caught Ruby's look of distaste at the mention of Jake's ex and made a quick detour in his conversation. "Still we all make some bad choices sometimes."

"How am I supposed to tell him? What exactly happened Grant? Jake is going to want me to fill in every detail and I don't even know them myself… I almost wanted him to forget this stuff, but now… I don't want to hurt him, but the truth is probably going to destroy him."

Grant put his arm around Ruby, who had started to cry again, more from exhaustion and bewilderment than feeling sorry for herself. He didn't envy the position she was in. He began to delicately fill her in on the events of that day which she hadn't bore witness to. By the end of it she was practically inconsolable.

"I couldn't have made it through that. I wanted to commit suicide myself after my sister was killed and I had nothing to do with it. I hate my father… it's his violence and thuggery that caused all of this. I'll never forgive him, Grant. If I live to a hundred, I'll never forgive that excuse for a man."

Stacey had been worried for Ruby, she'd been far too quiet and secretive lately; so when she insisted on going for a walk on her own, Stacey decided that she'd follow her just in case she decided to do anything silly or was confronted by any of their gossipy neighbours wanting to criticize her choice of lover. 'We all need our friends', she told herself creeping down the stairs of Scarlet to spy on her best mate. As she sneaked up to the door of the office, she got a little more information than she'd bargained for. Some things made a little more sense for her eavesdropping, but not the reason for Ruby to be suddenly so into Jake. She was just trying to rearrange the events of the past few weeks to make a little more sense of them, when she heard movement in the office. Unfortunately there was nowhere to go and no time to make it out into the bar, let alone the street above. Grant opened the office door and was face to face with a frightened looking Stacey Slater.

"What are you doing sneaking about? Were you listening in?" Grant asked moving closer to Stacey and giving off his trademark threatening vibes.

"I won't tell anyone…" Stacey garbled. "I just wanted to look out for Ruby. Everyone has been gossiping and I…"

"It's okay Stace, I should have told you. I would have told you… it's just that…"

"It's none of your business?" Grant offered, still being rather defensive, since what Stacey had overheard could get him into a lot of trouble. Ruby shushed him, quite effectively Stacey thought, and together they went back into the office to sit down.

"Jake never meant to kill Danny." Ruby began to explain. "He was just trying to stop him doing something stupid, like he always did. You know it was Danny who set fire to our house that time and… well he did other things too, stuff I… well I'll tell you some other time, it isn't important. He was going to kill Grant. My Dad ordered him to stab Dennis Rickman… He was really messed up, you know… he didn't know what he was doing. Well now Jake can't remember what happened because of how I hurt him and…"

"But you are going to tell him?" Stacey said, clearly having heard plenty of the conversation between her friend and Grant. Ruby was surprised that the only thing that Stacey found objection with was whether Jake should be reminded.

"I have no choice." Ruby explained. "I… I'm in love with him."

Stacey shook her head and pulled a face which told Ruby she thought she was nuts. Grant was hovering in the doorway, but he really had nothing to worry about. Stacey wasn't interested in telling the Square the ins and outs of the latest gangland hit; she understood that sometimes things were better off not being discussed with anyone. Her only concern seemed to be how to cheer her friend up and get her together with the man of her dreams. When it came down to it, Stacey wasn't the cool and callous character she made out to be. She'd been hurt and had to live with loss and anguish for most of her life; all she really wanted, like most of us, was to be happy and cared for. Now that she had Bradley, her interests had spread to trying to make some of the people she cared about a little happier, and if that meant double dating with Ruby and her cradle-snatcher boyfriend then so be it.

"Maybe you shouldn't tell him. I mean if you two have only just got together…"

"We aren't together." Ruby said regretfully. "I just told the doctors that so that I could make sure he got the best care. It's a good job I did too, since that arrogant arsehole Costigan nearly killed him!"

"But I thought… you were acting like, well you know. I thought… well I don't know really, all sorts of mad things were going through my head since you weren't telling me anything. My best guess was that your Dad had sent someone to check up on you and they'd caught you and Jake at it or something."

Grant who was still standing in the doorway unnoticed, chuckled at Stacey's all too vivid description. Ruby gave him a dirty look and he shrugged muttering his thoughts on the subject before going back to the bar to fill some shelves.

"I guess Grant's right; your Dad would have killed Jake if he knew you two were together. So you aren't with him then?" Ruby shook her head sadly. "But you do want to be?"

"Of course I do. While he was in a coma, I realised why I was so mad at him for what happened in Essex. I felt like he'd stopped being the Jake I knew. I trusted him; when Dad was doing all his dodgy deals, Jake watched out for me. I felt like he'd let me down. Then I realised why it was getting to me so much." Ruby chuckled a little. "It was you saying how he'd dressed up for me… I caught myself wishing it were true and then because of what happened I felt ashamed."

"Rubes, okay he's older… but he's just a bloke. You know, they are all a bunch of prats anyway. Doesn't matter how old they get!"

"Oh yeah, even the wonderful Bradley?" Ruby teased, feeling more relaxed than she had done all week. Stacey rolled her eyes, she was still pretending that they weren't that serious, but Ruby as her best mate, knew otherwise.

"So, do you think Jake will fall for it then? Has he forgotten asking you out too?" Ruby rubbed her eyes feeling tired now that she'd allowed herself to be a little more relaxed. "How has he been with you since he woke up?"

"He's been really sweet. I thought he'd go crazy at me when he knew it was me that hit him. He just laughed. I have a feeling he'll be a little more bothered by it all when he realises how hard it is going to be to get better. I promised I'd help him and he said he was glad I'd been there for him."

Ruby was blushing, just thinking about how Jake had been so kind and protective towards her. It was the first time she'd been able to rave about how she felt and she had to admit it was enjoyable to have someone to tell who would understand.

"How has he dealt with all the doctors saying you're his girlfriend? Do you think he remembers that you're not?" Stacey asked resorting back to her gossipy self.

"I don't know. He hasn't said anything… we kissed before I left."

"Rubes! How can you keep that to yourself? You kissed him? What happened, I want all the details. I'm your best friend remember?" Ruby laughed at Stacey's enthusiasm. "Well I need to know, if I'm going to help you get him to really ask you out."

"Do you think he would?" She asked almost rhetorically, "He has been so nice to me and I know he cares about me… I just don't know if he'd ever like me like that… I mean Dad made him look after me when I was first here and…"

"You were a right posh brat!" Stacey completed her sentence for her with a playful shrug. Ruby sighed and pouted at Stacey impenitently.

"When we kissed, it felt so good. It wasn't much… but he held my face and stroked my hair and then when his lips met mine, it wasn't like a friendly kiss… well I don't think so. I was going to kiss his cheek and he turned his head and…"

Stacey rolled her eyes and began to tease Ruby about how soppy she was getting over Jake. They spent a few minutes ridiculing one another's relationships before the reality hit Ruby once more. Grant had come back and didn't look happy.

"Ruby, the hospital just called. Jake wants to see you; I think he's remembered something, the nurse said he was upset and that he wanted to speak to his girlfriend. Come on I'll drive you over."

Grant drove Ruby back to the hospital as the sky over London was growing darker and the streetlights glowed neon in preparation for another cosmopolitan night in the capital. The city was beginning to buzz with life, while in the back of Grant's Land Rover with Stacey giving her a reassuring hug; Ruby felt like her life was coming to an end. Everything had seemed full of promise earlier that day. It was like her dreams were starting to come true; Jake had kissed her and she'd have felt on top of the world if it hadn't have been for the worry of having to come clean about Danny. Even with the disquiet of that particular declaration ahead, Ruby felt like she could get through it… they could get through it. Now it appeared that the curtain had fallen on that special phase of her life, never to be raised again. As they pulled into the hospital car park, Grant and Stacey offered to be with her for whatever was coming next. She declined them both.

"I got myself into this mess without any help; I should have to get out of it that way too. Thanks for the ride and come in if you want to. I just think that it's best if I face up to this alone." Ruby solemnly explained.

Stacey tried to persist in her offer of companionship, but Grant told her to leave it, in his own delicate way. Ruby swallowed hard before going through the sliding doors and up the lift to Jake's private room, ruining what was left of last Monday's manicure in her anxiety. The matron on ward four recognised her coming down the hallway and met Ruby with a grave look on her face. Ruby's heart began to race and for a moment she worried that Jake had taken a turn for the worst and gone back into the coma… or worse; though the matron was quick to put that qualm to rest.

"Mr Moon asked us to call you. He woke up rather troubled about half an hour ago and insisted that we find his girlfriend. He wouldn't say what was wrong, but he was very agitated and when we couldn't find you he tried to get out of bed, presumably to use the phone."

Ruby's face filled with horror. The doctor had said that Jake may have problems walking, either due to the stroke or his ability to balance with him being effectively deaf in one ear. They had told Jake that he'd have to take it slow, but he'd been very tired from all the tests at that point and Ruby had been sure that he hadn't taken it all on board; hence her worries of him turning on her once he realised the true extent of his injuries. Now it seemed that that time had come much sooner than she'd hoped.

"Is he hurt?" Ruby asked feeling herself flush and get a little giddy. "He hasn't gone back into a coma, has he?" The matron shook her head.

"He removed his cannular and catheter evidently causing him some discomfort and the wires we were using to monitor for CSF leaks tore some of his stitches out. He is obviously in a lot of pain, but has refused to let us treat him until he saw you." Ruby let out a gasp of horror and went to go into Jake's room, but the matron gently held her arm to halt her. "I'm afraid that Jake may well have suffered some paralysis in his legs. It may not be permanent, but he couldn't feel his legs and it scared him a lot and I have to be honest with you Ruby, he really isn't in a good state. All we can do is hope that once he speaks to you about whatever has got him so flustered, you can convince him to be sedated again in order to replace his stitches and get the rest he needs to recover."

Jake was jittery and pouring with sweat when Ruby followed the matron into his room. He asked for her as soon as the door opened and Ruby was relieved to see that he was glad to see her rather than ready to bite her head off. He beckoned her close immediately and awkwardly pulled her into his arms. He felt freezing cold and was shivering so much that his teeth were chattering. The matron said she'd give them a few minutes alone and gave Ruby an encouraging look, then left.

"I'm sorry Ruby." Jake said trembling as she moved back from him and perched on the edge of his bed. "I had a dream about us arguing… it wasn't really a dream… I remembered… in my sleep it all felt like… I woke up so confused… Danny… he hurt you, didn't he?"

Ruby tried to pull the covers around Jake a little as he was shaking so much that the bed was rattling and blood was beginning to trickle from his lip where he'd bitten it by accident.

"Jake sweetheart, it doesn't matter anymore. I know Danny was ill. He didn't really mean to hurt me. He just got messed up and…" Jake was rocking back and forth and his knuckles were white where he was gripping the blanket so tightly. Ruby tried to calm him down and held his right hand while stroking the damp hair from his brow. "Please Jake you have to let them treat you. You need to calm down and…"

"Did I… did I hurt you too? I can't remember what happened, Ruby. I can't remember… I got drunk because I had hurt you…"

"No! Jake you didn't hurt me. I said some horrible things to you and made you very sad… you didn't do anything to me. Danny, he groped me… back at our place in Essex… you…"

"You said you were getting drunk, because you thought I was going to force myself on you or something… I remember us arguing… you were crying and covered in blood and… Ruby did I… I couldn't have…"

Ruby was terrified. All the way back to the hospital, she'd thought Jake was going to be mad at her for lying about their relationship, or that he'd remembered what he'd done to his brother; but here he was creating more ghastly memories that weren't true, all because she'd hit him with a bottle and lied to him. He was a mess both physically and mentally and Grant hadn't been exaggerating about the trauma Jake was capable of putting himself through. It was time for her to tell him the truth. If it meant him never speaking to her again, then so be it. If he wasn't treated soon, Ruby felt sure he'd suffer damage that could never be fixed.

"Jake it's time I told you the truth. I know you will hate me for this, but it's only making you worse for not knowing. Just promise me that you'll let them treat you, when I've told you everything, okay? Please Jake, I love you and I don't want you to suffer anymore. Please say you'll let them?" Jake nodded, but seemed even more confused than ever.

"I promise… I won't hate you, Ruby. You… you mean too much to me…" Jake said holding her hand and causing her to cry despite resolving herself not to.

"We aren't going out together." She announced with deep regret. "I wanted to look after you and the paramedics told me that they needed the permission of the next of kin. I was so distraught, knowing I'd almost killed you, I just told them we were together so they would let me stay with you. I wanted it to be true, but I can't lie to you…"

"You took advantage of me?" Jake said with a weary smirk. "I was convinced I'd done something immoral… I remembered that Danny had… I could see him with his hands all over you… I was so mad at him. He never should have done that, Ruby. I heard your voice saying something about me being like him, trying to take advantage of you. I felt horrible inside when I woke up. I felt like there was something awful in me…" Ruby was glad that Jake had calmed down a little and had stopped shaking, but knew that his fears had depth, which she would have to go into.

"You would never do that, Jake. That's why I… care so much about you." Ruby told him moving to help him lean back on the pile of pillows behind him. "I was stupid and I said horrible things to you, which I will always regret. You didn't do anything, but look after me. You are a good, kind man, Jake Moon and don't forget it."

Now that Jake was a little more relaxed, Ruby considered not telling him about Danny until he'd had treatment, but the fear still remained that he'd awaken tomorrow with more bad memories and Ruby didn't want him to hurt himself more if he did. She helped him lay back in bed and pulled the covers around him to try and stop his shaking. She got him a little water and took a towel from the bathroom to dry him off. It was as she was wiping the cold sweat from around his dressings that she noticed that he was smiling at her rather curiously.

"What?" she asked, wrinkling her brow. "Why are you looking at me like that?" Jake chuckled.

"You said you loved me. Now I might have a head like a sieve right now, but I distinctly remember you saying that you wanted me to leave you alone."

Jake had been giving a lot of thought to how he and Ruby had got together, that was before he found out that they weren't. The rather large age gap between them was definitely playing on his mind, but what he kept coming back to was how much he cared about her. He liked being around her, she made him feel safe and he knew in his heart that he'd have been willing to die to protect her that night at the club. The reason he'd got so upset about the confusing dream was because he'd gone to sleep thinking how nice it was to finally care for someone that he knew he could trust. He'd spent a lot of time thinking of how they might have fallen for each other and what it was about Ruby that had attracted him enough to say, to hell with the years between them and ask her out. He'd been searching his memory for what she could have said or done to get him to go for it. Unfortunately instead of realising the truth, he'd fallen for his confused mind's own little fabrication. It struck him now that he actually felt a little disappointed with knowing the truth.

"Well… I thought that… you were… I was mistaken about some things." Ruby muttered obviously getting embarrassed. "You know you ought to be getting some rest. Shall I call the matron for your stitches?" Ruby was blushing and Jake mentally chastised himself for thinking it was cute. He was tired and confused; part of him knew now that it would be silly for him to continue down that road, but then another part had been enjoying the journey.

"You were mistaken about saying you loved me, or about saying you wanted me to leave you alone?" Jake asked, turning his head so he could hear her answer even though she kept trying to move to avoid his glance.

"I don't want you to leave me alone." She said pointedly looking him in the eye. "Now will you let me call the nurse to put those stitches back in?" Jake nodded.

Maybe he'd regret it when people started to give him dirty looks and made cradle-snatcher comments behind his back, but right now he was enjoying the attention. Ruby had proven that she wasn't a stupid kid. She'd handled herself and the horrible situation they'd found themselves in, better than most so-called adults he knew. He wasn't in any condition to act upon the feelings they might have, so where was the harm in a bit of flirting?

"Okay sweetheart, you go and fetch the nurse. You had better tell them not to disfigure me too much, though. I mean they probably think I'm some dirty old man already. I don't want some hideous scars to make me even more unattractive." Ruby was blushing and Jake was enjoying teasing her. It took his mind off how much he'd hurt himself and the fact that his legs wouldn't work well enough for him to even go to the bathroom on his own.

"You aren't unattractive." She said shyly, and then added with a stronger resolve. "Are we still pretending to be together for the sake of the doctors?"

"Maybe." Jake replied absently. "Maybe I just got used to the idea." Ruby spun around and looked at him with wide eyes. She could hardly believe her ears. It crossed her mind that Jake was just playing games with her because she'd messed him around and put him in the hospital in the first place; but quite frankly, this was a game she was willing to play.

"Are you getting that nurse or what? I'm getting really tired now, honey." Jake asked trying to turn over in bed and wincing at the pain resonating throughout his body.

Ruby nodded and her blush turned into the worried expression that Jake had become familiar with over the last few days. He knew by both of these expressions that she truly cared for him and felt himself beginning to fall for her more each time she showed such obvious emotion. She still had a lot more truth to tell him, but it could wait until tomorrow now. He needed to rest and after the panic and terror of one difficult memory, being brought out to air, she didn't think that either of them could handle another more serious one just yet. The nurse came in and delicately stitched up the more severe wound to the back of Jake's head. She told them both, that he was healing well, or he would be if he didn't make a habit of ruining all their hard work. Jake asked when he might be able to go home, but seemed disappointed when the nurse wouldn't give him an answer.

"You'll have to stay with us for quite sometime yet, Mr Moon. Then you'll need a lot of physiotherapy to help with your mobility. At least you have Ruby here to take care of you; it will be difficult getting about once you are at home again." The pretty, young nurse explained, while applying fresh dressings to Jake's head.

Suddenly the reality hit Jake, harder than the bottle had. Part of him was having fun going along with the relationship they had made up, but it really wouldn't be that enjoyable when he needed Ruby to take care of him. He couldn't walk and might not be able to for quite a while, that's if he didn't have to spend the rest of his life in a wheel chair. How was he meant to dress himself, wash or go to the bathroom? His tip of a house was hardly equipped for a cripple, he thought despondently. He'd need her help for almost everything and they weren't even really going out together. They kissed once and now with hindsight he wasn't even sure if that had been a good idea, let alone beginning to really start an intimate relationship. If him being twelve years older than her wasn't controversial enough, he could be signing her up to live with a wheelchair bound boyfriend for however long she felt guilty enough to do so. It didn't take him much time to decide that he was making a very stupid and selfish mistake.

"I'll look after him." Ruby said before Jake could protest against it. "I'd already been thinking about fixing up the house and spoke to the therapist about it a few days ago. I haven't had time to do anything yet of course, but I'll make sure everything is ready for when Jake is allowed home. Dr Perry suggested a male nurse to come in and help a few times a week. I'm happy to do all I can for Jake, but well… we haven't been together long and maybe it would help to preserve a little romance."

The nurse smiled understandingly. A few of the more senior staff had seemed to frown upon Ruby's alleged relationship at first. One of the older doctors had been overheard making some rather snide comments about what kind of man Jake was to be dating such a young woman. Though after witnessing Ruby's devotion, many of them had got over their misconceptions and saw her love for what it was. Laura, the pretty blonde nurse now stitching Jake back up, was only a few years older than Ruby and seemed to have a soft spot for Jake herself. Ruby had chatted with her a few times over the last week and therefore knew that not everyone would be as prejudiced about her relationship with Jake. It felt good for both of them to be accepted and encouraged as a couple; when it came down to it, they were both very alone without each other's compassion.

Jake watched sleepily as Ruby talked quite comfortably about how she'd planned to look after him when he left the hospital. He felt a little nervous knowing how much she'd thought about it all, but guessed that she'd had plenty of time to consider how she was going to make it up to him, while he was in the coma. He was still playing catch-up but her feelings for him were most certainly genuine and Jake began to feel quite emotional thinking how fortunate he was that Ruby cared so much. Without her he had nothing. The question still remained, could he let her take responsibility for him so completely.

Stacey and Grant popped in to see how things had gone and thankfully Ruby had a moment, while the nurse had helped Jake to go to the bathroom, to explain what all the trouble had been about. Grant didn't seem too impressed that she still hadn't told Jake about Danny, but Stacey told him to keep his nose out of it and he reluctantly let the subject go when Ruby agreed to tell Jake the next day. While Grant went in to chat to Jake, Ruby gave her friend the low-down on how her relationship with Jake had taken an odd but positive turn.

"So how are you doing, mate?" Grant asked pulling a chair noisily across the floor and taking a seat on the right side of Jake's bed. "Can't be bad having pretty nurses giving you a sponge bath, eh?"

"You'd think so, wouldn't you?" Jake said trying to get comfortable again and not really having much luck.

"Or do you only have eyes for Ruby now?" Grant smirked, moving to help Jake with a pillow that was stuck under the bed frame awkwardly. Jake shrugged and looked rather wistful for a moment.

"I don't know what to think. Did Ruby tell you about my memory problems?" Grant nodded and looked a little apprehensive, which went unnoticed by Jake. "I guess all I can do is trust how I feel."

"How do you feel? I know you were keen to look after Ruby, now that her old man's banged up… but it never seemed to me like you two were into each other."

Jake considered this idea for a few moments, he couldn't recall a time before the accident that he'd really acknowledged fancying Ruby. There had been the odd occasion when he'd been in the Square or the club or something and had seen her at a distance and got that rush that only meant one thing; but he'd always felt like it was wrong when he realised it was her, he'd been lusting over. Maybe that had more to do with the fact that she was Johnny Allen's daughter then though, her father would have done more than cripple him if he'd caught those looks on Jake's face. Now Johnny wasn't around and Ruby had changed so much, were his feelings different too.

"I guess what we've been through together, kind of brought us closer. I'd do anything for her… and she is a real sweetheart, but…"

"Are you in love with her?" Grant asked trying to be a little more heartfelt than was usual for a Mitchell. Well any Mitchell other than Billy anyway.

"I think I could be. It's just well… she wants to take care of me, when I get out of here and I don't know if I can ask her to do that." Jake explained, with more than a little regret in his voice. Grant chuckled.

"I don't think you'd have to. She isn't going to let you go home alone, whether you are her boyfriend or not." Jake looked surprised at this suggestion, it hadn't occurred to him that Ruby would want to look after him, even if she wasn't getting what she'd been hoping for as regards their relationship. "I'm sure she'll stick around to look after you even if you don't have your wicked way with her. I guarantee you, the way she talks about you to that Stacey, she believes she's in love with you, and she isn't going to give up on that easily."

"You think that I should, you know… ask her out properly then?" Jake said trying to hide the hope in his voice. "Not yet of course, but when I'm recovered a bit more… when I can actually go out on a date." Grant laughed.

"Hell, Jake that's up to you. If you can handle the likes of Dot Branning and Pauline Fowler giving you scathing looks, then why not. You aren't that old and you could do a lot worse. Ruby's quite the looker and well she employs you and owns your house, so the question really is whether you can afford not to go out with her."

Jake chuckled and seemed reassured by Grant's words. Surely the Square's gossipy locals would get used to him being with Ruby eventually and why should he let them stop him having a little happiness. Life was tough enough, without denying yourself the love of another for the sake of some bigot's opinion. As Grant rambled on about the club and some women he'd been chasing, Jake decided to make more effort with Ruby. It would be easy, while he was in hospital to get used to playing the part. They would have time to really discover how special they were to one another and no one could interfere. Then maybe when he got home again, they could make a proper start together. As he began to nod off, even while Grant was still talking, Jake realised that Ruby wasn't the only one fantasising about a rosy future; in his mind he was all but painting the picket fence.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter Five

Jake felt damp earth between his fingers and sweat trickling down his face. The air was cold and bitter around him and it seemed to reflect the emptiness that swelled within his chest. The scent of morning dew and something else - something that made him feel queasy - filled his nostrils. His blood was pumping furiously and he had to grip tightly to stop his hands from shaking. It was as if a mist had enclosed him and left him drifting in a weird kind of limbo. He wiped the spatters of dirt from his face with the back of his sleeve in order to see a little more clearly. He fingers stung and prickled; looking down at them he saw that the shovel he was holding had left splinters in his dirty hands which had grown raw and bloody from the exertion of his task. He strained to see what he was doing, but the mist wouldn't clear, it just began to turn red; and with a cold smothering sensation beginning to seep out from his heart into his adrenaline fused blood stream, he awoke to find Ruby in the chair beside him fast asleep.

It wasn't the first time that Jake had awoken with that cold smothering sensation radiating from his chest. The first time he'd thought that it was some kind of trauma caused by the accident. When it happened again, his subconscious had let him believe that it was negatively associated with Ruby. Now with his wounds healing and Ruby content by his side, he didn't know what had caused it. He felt sick and considered getting out of bed to go to the bathroom before remembering that his legs had nowhere near enough strength to carry him that far. He had sensation right down to his toes now, which had pleased his doctor; but Jake still needed a lot of physiotherapy in order to be able to walk again unaided.

He had been in hospital for a week, and although his physical condition was rapidly improving, he still felt that he'd lost something mentally. He watched Ruby asleep beside him and tried to decipher whether the uncomfortable feeling he was experiencing was due to the need to use the bathroom, or just that he'd bruised something trying to get out of bed the previous afternoon. She looked so adorable curled up on the big armchair under a thick cotton blanket that one of the nurses must have brought her after he fell asleep. Her hair had fallen across her face, so that all Jake could see of it was one twitching eyelid and a half smile that played on her lips seductively. Jake turned over onto his right hip and wondered what she must be dreaming about to make her smile so deliciously.

She'd kissed him again last night. He'd been falling asleep after Grant had taken Stacey home and he'd thought Ruby was leaving too and reached out to hold her hand, and say goodbye. Instead of wishing him goodnight and setting off home she'd whispered that she wasn't going anywhere and softly pressed her lips to his, before he let himself surrender to what he hoped would be more pleasant dreams than the ones which blossomed from his last sleep. He ran his tongue over his lips again and felt a tingle run through his body at the memory of her tongue playing over them the night before. Grant was right, she wasn't going to let go of their relationship easily. Fortunately for her, Jake had reached the conclusion that he wasn't going to let go either.

An alarm went off in the room next door and Ruby sighed and shifted in the chair so that her hair fell back over her shoulder. It was then that Jake realised that it wasn't bruising or a need to pee that made him ache. As if somehow realising the effect she was having, Ruby stretched out and drowsily opened her eyes, smiling as they met with Jake's own longing glance.

"Good morning!" she yawned brushing the hair from her face and sitting up, uncomfortably trying to bend the kinks out of her spine from sleeping in a ridiculous position all night.

"Hi!" Jake said huskily. "What were you dreaming about?"

"Hmm, I don't know if I want to tell you that… You are already… swollen enough." Ruby smirked, before bursting out in laughter when Jake, blushing a little, had glanced down to see if the nasty hospital gown had given away more than it should. "Maybe I should ask you what you were dreaming about."

"I don't know what my dreams were about; I was just enjoying you and yours." He replied honestly. "I like waking up with you." He admitted, feeling rather self-conscious. "Though it can't be very comfortable in that chair."

Much to his surprise Ruby took this as an invitation and without another word she threw back her blanket and went to join Jake in bed, she pulled the covers off before carefully sliding in next to him and wrapping them over her back as she snuggled closer.

"You're right, this is much more comfortable." She smiled running her hand up his arm to stroke his stubbled cheek, before once again letting her mouth envelope his in a soft kiss.

"Hmm… good morning." Jake mumbled, "I think maybe I am dreaming… if only my dreams were like this in the coma. I'd have woken up much happier." Ruby giggled and slipped her arm under the covers and around Jake's hip, while still slowly kissing him.

It had just got to the point where they were both straying into unknown territory together, when all of a sudden the door behind Jake opened and in walked Dr Perry, quickly followed by Stacey and Charlie Slater.

"You have some visitors, Mr Moon. I just need to check… Oh!" Ruby jumped out of the bed pretty quickly and Dr Perry tried to hide his smirk. Stacey was covering her mouth either in shock or more likely in order to try and hide her silent laughter. Charlie however, didn't look at all impressed. He'd of course heard the rumours that Ruby had at some point become close to Jake, but he had extreme misgivings about what they should be doing together. It had been little over a week ago that Ruby had been mad at Jake for trying to give her money and then for opening up the club, and not doing a very good job of it either. Charlie couldn't see how a real relationship could have developed in that amount of time, so he assumed that Ruby was being exploited in some way. He scowled at Jake and told Ruby that he wanted a word with her alone outside. Not wanting to cause a scene in front of Dr Perry, Ruby followed Charlie out into the hallway, as his expression grew stern and troubled.

"Ruby, I don't think it is right for you to be spending so much time here." Charlie said seriously. "You definitely shouldn't be in Jake's bed… I don't know what you think is going on between you two, but he's a grown man and you are just a child, Ruby. He is ill and you can't blame yourself…"

"I know you're just trying to take care of me Charlie, but I love Jake. It is my fault that he is in here and I'm going to look after him." Ruby explained with as much authority in her voice as Charlie had attempted and failed to display in his own.

"I don't think that it is right for you to be with him like this. He's…"

"Oh please! Don't tell me that he is old enough to be my father, because it isn't true. He's just over twelve years older than me and I don't see why it makes any difference. We care about each other and we are happy. Why shouldn't I spend as much time as I want with him?"

Charlie had convinced himself that Jake was somehow using Ruby, or taking advantage of her innocence and current vulnerability, when in fact pretty much the opposite was true. She'd taken her chance to make a move on Jake when he was physically unable to run away from her. What's more she'd orchestrated the situation, so that he'd believe the story she'd given his doctors, long enough for her to convince him that it was built on at least elements of true feelings on both their parts. She knew that she had been the one making all the moves. The only thing that she hadn't been in control of was Jake beginning to demonstrate similar feelings for her; which was something that he had been very cautious about too. Charlie couldn't have been more wrong.

"Ruby, listen to me, a lot has happened to you lately and it's only natural that you are feeling confused and vulnerable…" Charlie began sensitively. "Jake is too old for you. Maybe he is just feeling lonely right now… he has been through a lot too, he's bound to be feeling weak and hurting. I'm sure he doesn't mean to mess you around, but he shouldn't be letting you…"

"What? Kiss him? Get into his bed and snuggle up to him? Should I not have comforted him when he was hurting or held his hand as he fell asleep? Was I not meant to stay by his side and talk to him every day that he was in a coma? That is all I have done. Because that is what someone who loves him would do."

"You hated him last week!" Charlie said almost laughing in astonishment. "How can you love him?"

"I don't know. I thought that my Dad was paying Jake to spy on me… I made a mistake and I was angry at Jake for no reason. I only felt that mad with him, because I cared so much about his opinion." Ruby explained, feeling bad for the harsh treatment she'd shown Jake ever since he brought her back from Essex.

"That's another thing. Your father wouldn't stand for you… being like that… in there with Jake. He'd have you out of here this minute."

"My father is a murderer and I hate him. I don't care what he thinks of how I live my life. His opinion doesn't count, I'm not his little girl anymore and I'm not yours either Charlie." Ruby said raising her voice so that practically everyone in earshot had turned to see what was going on.

Jake was anxious about Ruby. She'd been gone for almost fifteen minutes and even with his hearing almost gone in his left ear – the one nearest the door - he could still make out raised voices in the hallway beyond. Stacey was watching out of the little window and Jake tried to read her expression for signs of what was going on. He'd been compensating that way quite well over the last few days and could tell a lot from people's body language now. When Dr Perry finally finished his tests and left the room, Stacey was looking like a stunned rabbit in the head lights.

"What? What did you hear?" Jake asked fretfully. "Is Ruby okay? Is Charlie making her leave or something?" Stacey laughed.

"Leave? Ruby would see hell freeze over before she'd let anyone tell her to leave you. God, Jake, don't you know how nuts she is about you?"

Jake fell silent. Stacey and Grant had told him how devoted Ruby was to him and all the nursing staff thought they were like Romeo and Juliet or more likely Jane Eyre and Edward Rochester in their case. Though for Jake, her commitment just didn't seem to fit. He was so used to being the last on anyone's list of priorities, it seemed crazy to suggest that someone, least of all an educated, affluent and beautiful young woman like Ruby Allen. Stacey made a face at him, which seemed to imply that she thought he'd lost his marbles, and then she jumped back from the door and sat down heavily in the seat beside Jake.

"Do you love me, Jake?" Ruby asked hastily sitting on the edge of his bed and holding his hand. He was too stunned to speak at first and then he watched as her face fell. "I mean… could you, do you think, in time?"

"I… I guess I already do in a lot of ways… I just, well, it's all a bit sudden. My memory is well… lacking. I don't want us to rush." Jake tried to explain, feeling a little on edge by the public interrogation.

"That's a shame." Ruby said crestfallen.

"Why? What's wrong, sweetheart. You know I'm here if you need me. I… I feel like I am falling in love with you, Ruby. It's just that everything is so crazy right now. I guess… well to be honest, all this scares me." He reached up with his bandaged hand and stroked her cheek affectionately. "Just remember that whatever happens between us, you know I'm always there when you need me."

"Charlie doesn't like us being involved." She said flatly. "He told me I was being stupid and to go home now and let the doctors take care of you."

"Oh!" Jake said clearly upset by the idea, but not wanting to impose upon Ruby by asking her to stay and causing friction between her assumed guardian and himself. "Well if you want to go…" Ruby slapped his arm playfully.

"Don't be an idiot! I'm not going anywhere. The problem was that Charlie didn't like me disagreeing with him. He said I couldn't live under his roof, if I was going to keep up this silly charade."

Jake's expression grew grave and solemn. A few days ago he'd have thought it best that Ruby leave as Charlie had suggested; but since then he'd had a lot of time to dwell on his feelings for her. Whether or not he really was in love with her, he couldn't truthfully say at that point; but he knew that he didn't want her to leave him. He knew he needed her around and that he was happier and more comfortable when he knew she was there for him. Deep down though, he didn't feel worthy of her affections and knew that he couldn't do anything to make her life more difficult, even if it did make his a lot easier.

"Maybe you should go…" Jake began trying not to let his outward appearance display the burning regret which was welling up inside him.

The Jake Moon of a week ago would rather have had the temptation removed; with his feelings towards Ruby being so transformed it may have seemed better that they weren't in each other's company quite so often. The fact remained, though, that that Jake was now gone. One of the consequences of his traumatic brain injury had been permanent; his newfound love for Ruby, unlike his sight and lower limb paralysis, wasn't going anywhere. He couldn't let her go, but could he really expect her to choose an unpredictable and controversial future with him over the stability of her friend's loyal family. Then his conscience was silenced by Ruby interrupting.

"So I told him that was fine and I was going to move in with you." She announced like there hadn't been a doubt in her mind what she should choose.

Stacey was gobsmacked, she'd been trying not to look too engrossed in her friends' intimate conversation; but since when had Stacey Slater been able to keep her nose out of some juicy gossip. She had to listen in. It wasn't often that she was so stunned by something that she was unable to give her opinion on the matter though. She was even beginning to think that she should excuse herself and go for a walk outside. Jake hugged Ruby close and kissing her lips softly, he whispered thank you. Despite being a little hurt by her friend's hasty decision to leave her home and almost considering making her own feelings heard, Stacey thought that it was time she left and muttered something about them already having a room and it being best if she left it for a while. They hardly noticed she'd gone, or really whether she'd been there at all.

"I promised I'd take care of you. This way I can start working on the house anyway…" Ruby began sitting back on Jake's bed cross-legged and bouncing the springs a little too much. Jake gritted his teeth at the pain in his neck and side, but didn't ruin her exuberance by complaining about it. He was just pleased that she wasn't going to leave him alone.

It struck him that he'd felt alone most of his life. Danny had always been there; but Danny had so many different friends in his head, that Jake never really felt like his brother's main priority, even if he did have his company most of the time. He'd never felt like he'd had an opportunity to settle down properly before and as he half-listened drowsily to Ruby's plans for number 41, he started to see what it was that he'd been missing all these years. He'd tried to cling onto a relationship with Chrissie and in his desperation to not remain alone forever, he'd even proposed to her. What a joke that had turned out to be. Instead of agreeing to marry him, she'd told him she never wanted to see him again. Perhaps given the fact that she'd murdered her previous husband, it was a lucky escape for Jake. Though it wasn't something he could see at the time. He'd turned on Ruby's father for Chrissie too, knowing Johnny was likely to tear his head off or put a bullet in it just for going up against him. He'd been very fortunate with Johnny on a number of occasions and somehow Jake began to wonder if this was the reason for all those lucky escapes.

"Wouldn't that be wonderful, Jake? Of course, I'll keep all of Nana's things. I will have the renovations done, so that you can get about and I can get a sofa bed for downstairs until you are walking better…" Jake smiled, but Ruby realised that all the stress of his unexpected visitors had worn him out. "Well I can go and get my things from Stacey's and let you sleep. I'll make sure I bring you some pyjamas and a toothbrush this time too."

"Sorry Ruby. I'm making things so difficult for you." Jake yawned. "I never meant to disrupt your life so much. You were going back to college and you have so much to deal with… the club, and your Dad's property… now I'm stuck here and…"

"Don't you dare say, I should go back to Stacey's!" Ruby protested, predicting where Jake was going with his ramblings. "I want to be with you. I'm going to sell the house in Essex and number 5, all they have is bad memories anyhow. Johnny put everything in my name so I can do what I want with it; that and to avoid the police delving into his background of course. The solicitor said they were done with their investigation and I'm not letting him have anything to come back to here. I'm going to make a lot of changes and I don't care what he or anyone in Walford has to say about it."

Jake held up his hand to protect against Ruby's venom. She definitely hated her father, and as much as Jake agreed with the sentiment, he also felt a little sad that she'd lost what was left of her family. The only family he'd had was Danny and later Nana and her grandsons. He'd never had a proper father figure, and although he felt like it was a stupid notion given the way Ruby had been behaving, he did wonder if Ruby really only saw him as a replacement for the one she'd lost. Trouble was he didn't know how to be a father any better than he knew how to be a boyfriend; in his own way he'd screwed up as both, since taking care of Danny was more than just being an older brother to him. Again his thoughts brought him back to this unshakable feeling of loneliness. For the first time in years, he had someone who genuinely loved him, seemingly unconditionally, and yet there was still this cold smothering sensation in his heart.

"I can't tell you what to do, Ruby. You do what you feel is best and right for you. I don't want you basing your whole future on me. I'm really not good enough for you. Even if things do work out between us, there is more to life than us. I'd like it if you'd go back to college. You have so much more promise than I ever had…"

"Jake, stop trying to be my Dad. You know that isn't how I feel about you. I don't need a father now; you are everything to me. I just need to be loved; can you just do that, please?"

Ruby took Jake's hand and looked at him rather pleadingly. He watched as she chewed her bottom lip and swallowed hard to try and stop from crying again. Everything felt so emotional since the accident. It felt to Jake and Ruby in their own ways, like they were suddenly experiencing all the love that they had gone without for so long. Jake held her hand and couldn't bear to make her sad any more.

"I do love you, Ruby… It's just very quick and I think we should take things slowly, especially if we are going to be living in the same house. I want to get well and be able to fall in love with you properly and let our relationship grow. I've screwed up too many things in my life by rushing in. It wasn't always my fault, but it's still been there. If you want this then that's good… it's great, but it isn't going to carry on like the freight train we seem to be on now. You have to understand that. I don't want to hurt your feelings… you know you mean the world to me, I just can't hurry what we have. It doesn't feel right."

Ruby knew she was lucky that Jake wanted to be with her at all. She had had things go in her favour a lot more than she'd imagined would be the case while Jake was still unconscious. She also knew that there was still a lot of Jake's memory that could return and throw a spanner in the works. She'd been avoiding broaching that subject, but sooner or later they would have to face up to their pasts and everyone bad-mouthing them in the Square. Jake was right to want to take the time to build something real and solid between them. Her previous relationship with Juley hadn't been exactly pleasant and that had been all too hastily brought about. She was beginning to feel pretty stupid for ever thinking of Jake as just one of her father's goons. Goons were easily led, and Jake hadn't taken the easy option of leaving Walford, no matter how hard she pushed him to do so. She had to respect that kind of resilience and trust his judgement.

"We won't rush. I promise I'll keep my hands to myself." Ruby said with a kind smile. Jake laughed sleepily. "I know I've been pushing for this a lot… I just realised how much I care for you and I guess I hold on a bit too tight sometimes…"

Jake smirked at her innuendo and was glad that he was too tired to be swayed by it; but then something in her words reminded him of the distressing dream that he'd had last night.

Holding on too tight. He glanced down at his hands and saw the tiny blemishes over his fingers where the splinters had dug into his skin. Tiny pinpricks now, but in the same places he'd seen the dark splinters in his dream. Now things were beginning to come back to him. The blood… and that smell. It was an acrid earthy scent with a dusty hint of burnt sulphur, which made Jake feel queasy for reasons beyond the chemical stench. It had been an uncomfortable reminder, but what of?

"Jake, what's wrong?" Ruby asked seeing his expression turn from cheerfulness to solemnity in moments. "Sweetheart, what is it? What's bothering you, are you hurting?"

Jake hardly heard Ruby speaking to him, the memory of the dream seemed to be sucking him in, either that or it was pouring out into his mind as he realised that it wasn't a dream at all, but a painful memory that had laid in what for a precious moment to come in and ruin.

There was blood on his hands and damp earth all up his arms and over his clothes. He looked down as if he could see the body of the 'dream' Jake wearing a blue suit and dark sweatshirt, all covered in mud and little flakes of moss. He was digging, his hands were sore from the mottled wood of the shovel and there beside him was his brother.

The reality swallowed Jake up like it was him lying inside the hole he'd just dug for his brother's body. The earth was falling around him and choking away each breath of happiness he'd begun to feel with Ruby. Every hope he'd had of a positive future was being buried by the dark shroud of his returning memory. With Ruby clinging to his hands, silent tears began to run freely down Jake's cheeks.

"I killed him!" he said softly, almost as though it were the Jake in the dream whispering the message into his real world. Ruby let out a gasp of horror that was a world away from Jake's mind. "I killed my own brother. I murdered Danny and then I dug a hole in the ground and buried his body like it was some fairground goldfish. I'm no better than your father, Ruby! I'm… I'm an evil person. I…" He was sobbing now and finding it harder to breathe. Ruby moved across his bed to hug him and try to calm him down, but he wouldn't let her close.

"You have to go, Ruby. You shouldn't be around me. I don't trust myself… I don't know who I am anymore, or what I've become. Go… please, Ruby. You have to go."


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter Six

Ruby was exhausted. Her hair was dampened with sweat, and lay plastered against her pale skin, flecks of summer green paint intermingled with her freckles and she was beginning to get a headache from all the fumes she'd inhaled. The windows had been replaced earlier that day and with hindsight it probably hadn't been a good idea to paint the living room when she was unable to air the place out properly. It didn't seem important when she'd started at lunchtime, she just wanted to keep busy, so she wouldn't have to sit and listen to the emptiness which surrounded her day after day at number 41 Albert Square.

Since she had her father's keys to the place she'd moved in as planned and in her denial she'd refused to let anyone know that Jake had dumped her. It was easier to carry on planning for the future than accept that their miserable past had got the better of them. She didn't want to give up on Jake, so she convinced herself that there had to be a way to make him see sense. So far he hadn't even agreed to see her, but Ruby was resilient. He would let her into his heart again eventually and when he did, they would need somewhere to come home to. So with that in mind she'd set about renovating the house; after selling her old place across the Square for a tidy sum, she had plenty of cash to throw at improving their new home. Many of the locals had remarked that it didn't seem like the same place. Ruby had made so many changes that the other houses on the Square looked dilapidated by comparison, and such endeavours only made people like Dot and Pauline even more inquisitive about what on earth that Allen girl was up to.

As the last facet of the lounge turned from magnolia to summer green she dropped the brush back into the well-scraped paint can and collapsed onto a now well worn dust sheet which covered the new couch. A flurry of dust shot up as she slumped back onto the soft plump cushions and caused her to sneeze for a good ten minutes; making Ruby wish that the men fitting the new bathroom extension would hurry up and turn the water back on so that she could take a shower and perhaps go and have a drink at the club with Stacey that evening, looking vaguely human. It had been almost three months since she last saw Jake, but her every waking thought was of ways to win him back. She had hardly been out of the house in over a month, claiming to be too busy for socialising; but the real reason she didn't want to see anyone was that she couldn't bear to be asked about 'her boyfriend'.

Jake had refused to see her after the return of his most terrible memory. She had gone to the hospital to visit every day for the first few weeks, but the medical staff had been asked not to let her in. Jake had told them that he couldn't see her anymore; knowing the pressure she would be under if he asked her to take care of him, they assumed he'd preferred to end their relationship than see her run into the ground by being his sole caregiver. Since many of the staff had seen the same happen with other patients who had been injured in a similar way to Jake and given that Ruby had caused the accident which left him in such a condition; they followed his wishes and seemed to understand the difficulties he had letting anyone take care of him. He'd fallen into a slump after Ruby left, and refused to work at the physiotherapy in order to recover his mobility. As his other injuries healed and he was off most of the pain medication, he'd been moved to another ward. The nurses who had befriended Jake and Ruby, tried to encourage him to socialise with the other men on the ward, if only to take his mind off their break-up; but Jake was too consumed by his own guilt to want to make friends. Grant came to visit him once, but when he'd mentioned how distraught Ruby seemed at him breaking it off with her, Jake had refused to see him too.

Somewhere inside, Jake knew that he was making his life even more miserable than it had to be, but since he couldn't properly recall what had caused him to shoot his own brother in the back; he felt it was the least he deserved. There had been times when the truth had come to him, either in dreams or long introspective contemplations; but he'd come up with so many other scenarios in his mind over those first few agonizing days alone, that he didn't know what was real and what wasn't. The only truth he felt sure of was that he didn't deserve to be alive and that he was definitely better off alone.

It had taken Ruby a month to stop visiting him. He'd heard her outside his room pleading with the nurses to be let in on an almost daily basis for the first few weeks. Then after three weeks with no word from him at all, she started to get the message. He was told that she'd called every morning and evening to ask after him and since the time she'd stopped visiting, she'd been sending flowers every few days with cards that he couldn't bear to read. He couldn't bring himself to entertain such thoughts for long, but he felt in his heart that losing her was almost as painful as realising he'd murdered his own brother. Every time he heard her crying outside his room or a nurse told him with a saddened voice that Ruby had called, his heart broke a little more. Jake wanted to call her, but with all the doubt and disgust he felt in himself, he couldn't warrant asking for her love. He'd made his bed and now he wasn't going to even bother getting out of it.

Ruby knew that she had to find some way to reach Jake, but the answer didn't come to her until she was left alone by Stacey and Bradley in the club and Grant made his way over to have a chat to her. They hadn't seen much of one another since she'd moved to Jake's house. She'd been too busy. He'd also been busy causing trouble of his own by starting an affair with Jane; something Ruby felt she should have noticed being on the cards, given the way Jane had been hanging around the club over the last few months. Though Jane had gone away for a few days to see some long lost relative - or more to the point to get away from Ian – and now Grant obviously had some extra time on his hands.

"Hello there, haven't seen you much recently. How's Jake?" Ruby closed her eyes a moment and took a slow breath. It was the question she'd been dreading.

"He still won't see me. I don't know how to get through to him, he won't give me the chance to explain what really happened that day and I'm sure he doesn't remember it all." Ruby announced wringing her hands in her lap. "How could he hate himself so much if he had remembered how he saved your life and how he stopped Danny from doing something awful to me too? I just don't know how to make him listen."

Ruby was exasperated with the whole situation. She'd been keeping herself so busy that she was close to making herself ill and Grant got the idea that she would still keep up the pretence of her dream home even if she were sick. He wanted to help her, but with Jake refusing to see him as well, he didn't see what else he could do.

"If only there was some evidence I could show him, which proved he'd had a good reason to do it. I just want to make him feel better, Grant." Ruby said rubbing her face with her hands, like she were trying to wring out all the misery and wash it away.

Grant thought about what she was asking carefully. Some proof? Most of the proof of what happened that day could quite easily land him and his brother in prison; it probably wasn't a good idea to send Ruby out to dig up a corpse or go looking for bullet casings in what would, in the middle of August, be like digging in iron rather than earth. It was then that he remembered the wrought iron gates that Phil had driven his car through and the security cameras he'd taken out with a nine iron that they were meant to be playing a green with. Columbo couldn't have picked this one any better! He thought stumbling on what he hoped would be the answer to Ruby's prayers.

"I guess the police would have taken all that security stuff from your pad in Essex, right?" Grant suggested. "They probably took it all as evidence. Shame because Jake and that brother of his were having quite a row in there…"

"That's it! Grant you're amazing, I could kiss you!" Ruby said with the biggest grin she'd had on her face for months. Grant seemed to be waiting for the kiss, but Ruby just hugged him and told him that she wouldn't want word getting back to Jake that she'd cheated on him.

The next day Ruby took time off from her renovations and asked Stacey to persuade Bradley to take them out to Essex, in attempts to hunt out what she hoped would be the piece de resistance in her fight to win Jake over. On arrival at the Allen's many acre property, Bradley was only too happy to tell Ruby how crazy she was for wanting to sell up and swap such a swanky pad for life in Albert Square; but then he didn't know the place's history and Stacey quickly put him straight.

"Why don't you go for a walk or something, eh? Ruby needs a bit of time and your stupid comments aren't helping." Bradley huffed a little and then being the dutiful boyfriend he was, headed back out to the car, deciding to drive round a bit and pick out somewhere that they could all have lunch.

"So what exactly are we doing here, Rubes? I thought you never wanted to see this place again. Did you leave something important behind?" Stacey asked while going rather goggle-eyed looking at how imposing the whole place was.

"You could say so. Why don't you go upstairs and pack up what's left of my stuff; there should be a case on top of one of the wardrobes. I just need to go and find something." Ruby said before wandering off across the huge lounge area towards a big solid oak door in the corner. Stacey shrugged and took the opportunity to mooch around the Allen manor for a while, it certainly wasn't the sort of place she found herself in often, and she thought she might as well make the most of the visit.

Ruby opened the door to her father's old study apprehensively. The room hadn't been touched since she'd left; except by the police and judging by the mess in the office she assumed that cleaning the stench of vodka and bits of broken glass wasn't really part of their job description. Looking around the dimly lit room she noticed that the cabinet on the wall where her father had hidden his stash of booze was still covertly locked. She fumbled around the panelling for a little while before eventually popping a catch and revealing an inner door to the secret closet; the top of which made up Johnny's surreptitious drinks cabinet. Ruby remembered how she'd lost it with her father after catching him with a drink in his hand, moments before Phil Mitchell burst in threatening him. She'd thought his drinking was enough reason to hate him at the time; if only she'd known how awful that day was going to turn out to be, maybe she could have called the police and had them all arrested sooner.

After a little more searching she exposed several other compartments below the glass shelves and with the help of a brass letter opener, which she took from her father's desk drawer, she discovered that the topmost of these held several handguns and a sawn-off shotgun. She was momentarily lost in thought; wondering firstly, what these guns may have been used for, or whom; then secondly how stupid the police recovery team must have been to miss all the evidence in this cupboard. Below the weaponry was another smaller drawer about six inches high; the veneer was almost flush with the wall panelling and had it not been for a slight nick in the lower edge which reflected the blue lighting of the drink shelves above she may not have even noticed it at all.

Wrenching open this bottom drawer she found her own personal McGuffin, a selection of video tapes marked with various dates and seven well used ones marked with the days of the week. It had been a Friday, when Danny was killed… perhaps there was something somewhere on the tape that could at least show Jake how messed up his brother had become.

Unable to find a VCR in the office – making the assumption that it must have been something that the police remembered to take – Ruby picked up as many tapes as she could and carried them out to the living room. It took her about five minutes to fast-forward through what had been a miserable morning haunted by the memory of a fire which killed her mother and sister exactly two years before. Then as the video alternated between feeds from at least ten different cameras, she finally spotted Phil Mitchell's arrival through an upstairs window. Danny fought with Phil and was beaten up by Grant for his efforts to protect her father, none of which would paint Danny in a bad light, least not enough for Jake to see reason in having to take his brother's life. She ran the tape on a little and noticed one of the feeds had a view down the corridor into her room. Danny looked like he was muttering to himself with a gleeful smile and Ruby watched as he handed her a mug of tea. With a shiver she realised how Danny had drugged her and almost couldn't watch as the naïve version of herself on the video grew drowsy and was put to bed by Jake's disturbed brother. It felt like enough proof for her, but perhaps that was the pain of witnessing those awful events, that coloured her judgement so strongly. Then there was Jake, thankfully obscuring the cameras view of whatever his brother had been doing to her while she slept. He dragged Danny from the room and was obviously furious with him.

"Hey, Rubes!" Stacey called down the open staircase, "Are you taking much stuff with you? That stereo in your old room is well swish, if you don't want it..."

"Take what you want, Stace… I'm still looking for something here, okay?" Ruby called to her friend without taking her eyes off the security footage. It had moved to another camera with no view of Jake and Danny and Ruby was growing impatient to find the evidence she so desperately needed.

"Wow! You're Dad really knew how to splash the cash, didn't he? This stereo is even better than that micro thing in your room…" Stacey said prodding at the touch sensitive buttons on what looked like a several thousand pound entertainment system. "Bit much just for watching Wilde Girls though isn't it?"

Ruby looked up from the screen and saw Stacey holding the suitcase that she'd asked her to pack and the micro CD player from her room. Then the whole room suddenly roared with the sound of Jake yelling at his brother, startling them both. Stacey had accidentally switched the sound over to the TV's line-in and alerted them both to the fact that these security tapes had sound. Although Jake and Danny weren't on camera, their voices could be heard clearly from around the corner. There was no mistaking Jake's voice as he argued with his younger brother.

"How could you do that, Danny? I know you've always been pretty screwed up but… what would you have done to her if I hadn't shown up?" Jake sounded furious. "I can't even bear to look at you anymore… I tried, I really did… all these years I've been cleaning up your crap and forgetting to live my own life…"

"Yeah! Well why don't you go and do that then, Jake! Oh yeah, because that Chrissie bird, that you turned on Johnny for, dumped you didn't she? You told me that you didn't want me around anymore… well Johnny wanted me around…"

"How long do you think he'll want you here once he realises you were trying to rape his daughter?" Jake said scathingly.

Ruby had never heard Jake sound so enraged. She'd only come downstairs to catch the tail end of their argument on the day and by that point Jake had been too shocked by his brother's revelations to say much at all. It was all so unreal to him that he didn't know how in the hell he was going to get his brother to turn around and see that what he had done was so crazy. At the time though, she'd taken Jake's silence to mean that he wasn't as disgusted by his brother's actions as she was. She assumed that they were one and the same and Jake was as much of a mindless goon as Danny. She didn't understand the turmoil that Jake was going through then, but now it was as clear as crystal.

"I wasn't… I was just…" Danny half-heartedly protested.

"I know what I saw Danny. You're like some crazy animal… You're my brother and I loved you our whole lives, even with you doing your best to ruin mine. Johnny was going to shoot you after you burnt his house; I offered my life for yours and look what you've done with it. You're an idiot Danny."

"That's what you think… I've been there for Johnny, you turned on him and I stayed…"

"Are you not listening to me? He drove you out to the woods and put a gun to your head, because he saw you as a silly boy, playing stupid pranks and getting under his feet. But what… you think he's your Dad now and just gave you a telling off?"

"He just had to put me straight… I did something stupid and Johnny let me live here and help him out, you know to make up for my bad behaviour."

"He's using you, like he uses all of his lackeys. He's not your Dad, Danny. He can't make up for all the years we spent in foster homes and give you that fantasy childhood you make up in that head of yours."

Jake sounded exasperated and Ruby knew by his voice that he was growing desperate to find some way out of all this mess. If only she'd seen what they would eventually mean to each other then and shown him a way to get out of all his suffering. She felt a tightness growing in her chest, just from hearing his voice again. She'd missed him so much over the last few months that listening to him moments before his nightmare began was too overwhelming for her. Excusing herself she left Stacey watching feeds of empty rooms on the security tape and walked off to get a moment alone and wash her face in the downstairs bathroom.

Once the door was closed and she knew Stacey couldn't hear her, she allowed the tears to fall. She'd been holding all of her emotions in for months now and the prospect of coming back to Essex had made her feel ill. She'd barely slept the previous night and it wasn't just the hope of winning Jake over that kept her awake; though her mind had been whirring with ideas about how to prove to him that he had cause to kill Danny, way into the early hours of the morning. She'd kept her demons at bay by staying busy with the decorating; but underneath she knew she was close to falling apart altogether. Her past was full of pain and misery and walking back into her nightmare wasn't going to be at all fun; it wasn't as if she had reached a point of strength in her life where she could confront her demons. She just knew there was no other choice, if she wanted to find a way to convince Jake that he was a good person and worthy of her affections and some real love in his life. 'This had to be done'. Ruby told herself wiping her eyes and taking a deep breath, before reassuring herself that all this agony would be worth it in the end.

Stacey had been carefully watching the video footage and called to Ruby as she returned from the bathroom to say that the camera was now on Jake and Danny as well as having clear sound recording. They sat silently together on the thick rug and watched as Jake squared up to his brother and tried his best to make him see the unforgivable error of his ways before it was too late. He was scared for Danny, having listened to Billy go on about how Phil and Grant would look out for each other he knew Danny's life would be of little consequence if he got in their way. Stacey held her friend's hand as they watched Jake, close to breaking point, pleading with Danny to leave before things turned ugly. It was only when Danny wouldn't shut up about what a great thing he'd done by killing Dennis Rickman, that Jake showed any violence towards his brother. Ruby had run away at that point, fearing that with things getting violent she'd either have to put her trust in Jake or run from whatever his deranged brother had planned for her in the aftermath. If she'd stayed she'd have known that Jake was honourable, he even seemed to find it hard to deck Danny under such difficult circumstances. It was obvious he'd rather have talked his way out of the situation than turned to violence to solve the problem.

It was hard for Ruby to watch Jake walking away, from what he believed to be his unconscious and therefore yielding brother, when she knew what must be coming. Ruby thought she saw a tear roll down Jake's face as he turned his back on the camera and it stirred up painful recollections of the day these memories had returned to him in the hospital. When Danny picked up the baseball bat and hit his brother across the back of the head, Ruby felt like she'd be sick; it was all too familiar to her having been the one holding the weapon the last time she saw Jake fall to the floor that way. For an agonizing moment her rational mind was lost and she was back to feeling the same terrible fear that had consumed her in the gent's toilets at Scarlet. She could hardly breathe as she waited for the Jake on TV to stir and finally pick up the gun to go after his brother. As oxygen filled her lungs, hope also began to fill her heart. When Jake picked up the pistol he'd taken from his brother the camera caught the fearful desperation on his face. He hadn't gone outside to kill his brother, full of anger and vengeance, the only emotion his face wore at the moment of that quick pass across the camera, was one of sheer terror.

Ruby sat silently on the rug where Jake had fallen unconscious for almost twenty minutes and wondered what he must have been feeling as he ran outside hoping to find Danny before something awful happened. She'd been hiding in one of the spare bedrooms upstairs, hoping they wouldn't come looking for her, when she heard the first gunshot. That must have been what woke Jake, as moments later he ran out across the drive and out towards where Danny had marched the Mitchell brothers into the woods at gun-point.

Though there was no footage of what happened next on any of the security tapes, Ruby could still see the silhouette of Jake, running out of that house to save his brother, in her head clearly enough to know he hadn't intended to harm him. What Grant had told her, fit perfectly. Jake wasn't a murderer like her father. He wasn't a cold ruthless killer with only himself and his own interests to care about. He was a good decent man, put in a terrible position by his disturbed brother and her own vengeful and self-obsessed father. Now her only concern was how to prove all this to Jake.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter Seven

The petite and well-dressed blonde had been waiting by the nurses' station to ward twelve for over an hour. She'd been told at 9.15am that the matron would be with her soon, but it was coming close to 10.30am and the private physiotherapist was getting tired and impatient. When she noticed Matron Neilson wander by for the tenth time, looking a little distracted, she managed to corner her before another doctor came along and sent her off on more errands.

"Yes, excuse me. I've been here for over an hour now and I really do need to get on with my visit. I've been asked to see one of your patients about his lapsed physiotherapy… a Mr Jacob Moon."

"I'm sorry to have kept you waiting so long." The matron said wearily. "I've been here all night and… have we met before Miss…?"

"Stewart. Stephanie Stewart. Miss Allen asked me to come and see if I can do anything to help Mr Moon. I believe he has been refusing treatment with regards to his mobility?" The matron nodded despondently. "Otherwise his health is improved, yes?"

"I'm afraid Mr Moon has been very depressed. He recovered well from his initial injuries, but we can only assume that being a very capable bachelor on all accounts, in was hard for him to move forward with his life, once his mobility became an issue. We have tried to offer him counselling and even mild anti-depressants, but he refuses to be helped. To be honest we'd have sent him home in a wheelchair in order to give him the benefit of familiar surroundings, but he has no one to care for him."

Miss Stewart looked puzzled and glanced down at her paperwork with a sad expression on her face. The matron watched her curiously. Most of the privately funded staff were known to her and usually didn't show so much concern for their patients as they did for their fat pay cheques. She could only assume that Ruby had been unable to give the physiotherapist much detail about Jake's condition, being as she hadn't seen him herself in many months.

"Miss Allen calls every day, but Jake ended their relationship several months ago. I presume it was her that asked for you to come in?"

"Yes, I was asked to see Mr Moon privately. I'm sure Miss Allen has every confidence in you, but given that most patients in his condition would be home and well on their way to recovery by now… Well she has paid for my services and hopes that I can persuade Mr Moon to rethink his care plan."

"Well I wouldn't hold your breath. Jake's a nice man, but he seems to have given up. I know I'm not supposed to become too involved with my patients, but it seems such a waste that he has given up on life. We all thought it odd that he and Ruby were together at first, given the difference in their ages, but he's been utterly inconsolable since he sent her away. I've tried to convince him to at least take her calls, but he won't allow it." The matron explained miserably. "Ruby, Miss Allen pays handsomely for his care… we wouldn't be keeping him here… what with all the cuts, it wouldn't be right; but Ruby provides for his care, whether he knows it or not. I don't need to tell you. I assume you are also being paid well for your services."

Miss Stewart nodded and made some notes on her papers. Her manner was familiar and the matron felt sure they'd met before, but in all the years she'd worked at Walford General there had been plenty of medical students that she barely remembered and she was too tired to start asking questions.

We moved Jake back to a single room when Ruby went private with his care. He rarely talks to anyone other than myself or Dr Perry anyway. Is there anything that you need for your visit? I doubt you'll get him to go down to our physiotherapy suite on the first floor, but we'll get you a wheel-chair if you do convince him to start treatment."

"Well I'd just like to talk with him today if that suits you. I have some material to show him in order to decide what kind of treatment is required. Is there by any chance a VCR in his room?"

Miss Stewart and Matron Neilson walked down several corridors to an out of the way room, with the little frosted glass window in the door almost twisted shut. There were no other staff in the area and Stephanie noticed that they wandered past this room without really acknowledging its existence at all. Even the tea-lady pushed her cart on by and didn't approach. It was as though Jake didn't exist at all. Perhaps that was the way he wanted it to be, since the staff did seem very attentive to his case.

"Jake, you have a visitor." The matron said tapping on the door and wandering into the quiet side-room. Stephanie glanced over at the bed where Jake had been silently staring up at the ceiling, obviously deep in thought; something made him turn over in bed quickly when the breeze blew into his airless room and Stephanie wondered whether deep inside he still wanted to be pulled out of his depression, despite what he was telling the hospital staff. She smiled at Matron Neilson reassuringly and hinted by her expression that she wanted to be left alone.

"Well I'll leave you to your work… call if you need anything. If I'm not available then one of the nurses will be glad to help. Take care, Jake."

Stephanie didn't speak to Jake for a moment; she didn't even turn to look at him again at first and opted instead to fiddle with the television in order to play her 'therapy' video. Her hands were trembling and the sound of the TV in the otherwise noiseless room startled her at first. She wasn't even sure if this was the best course of action, now that she was standing on the brink. Behind her, Jake watched suspiciously.

"Who are you?" He asked inquisitively rather than crossly. "I didn't ask to see anyone… What are you doing with that television? I don't want to watch anything, thanks." He added politely, but with enough forcefulness to make his point.

"I'm sorry but I need to show you this, Jake. I know it won't be easy for you to see, but I'll be here for you and I don't know any other…"

"Ruby?" He said sitting up in bed and causing himself some discomfort. "Turn around… it is you isn't it? I thought I…"

Then the sound of his dead brother's voice snapped his attention away from his phoney visitor. It was as though all the blood in his veins were suddenly flushed through with ice and for a second he thought he'd be sick. He'd been living in some kind of terrible reverie for what felt like forever and seeing his nightmare brought to life on video was more distressing than waking up from the coma had been.

Ruby turned around and sniffing back her tears, ran her hand up to remove the blonde wig that she'd borrowed from Stacey's stall and take off the glasses that she only wore for reading at home late at night. Jake looked stunned. He was staring coldly at the screen, visibly perturbed by what he saw and yet unable to take his eyes away. Ruby moved to his side and with tears running down her cheeks she gently reached to take his hand, the way she'd always done when she felt the desire to protect or support him. He didn't pull it away and although the room seemed to be currently saturated in misery and sorrow, a hope began to burn in her heart. The hope that maybe this time he wouldn't turn her away, that this time he'd cling on to her as much as she had been desperate to do with him.

They watched the video in silence, and other than Ruby winding the tape on a couple of times, when the security feed moved to an exterior or irrelevant shot, they remained completely motionless. As Jake saw the video evidence of that fateful day and found the answers to all the mental torture he'd put himself through over the last three and a half months; he felt the memories returning from where his brain injury had rather they were left hidden forever. Hearing his own voice arguing with his brother, watching himself drag Danny from Ruby's room in such a rage that he could understand how he might have wanted to kill him and then hearing how far Danny had gone wrong in their absence from one another; it was almost as painful knowing the truth as it had been suspecting a myriad of causes for him unforgivably taking his brother's life.

"How long do you think he'll want you here once he realises you were trying to rape his daughter?"

The words made Jake's skin crawl as though it were only a moment ago that he'd caught his brother in bed with Ruby. He'd been furious then, but given how his feelings for Ruby had developed since that day, he was even more enraged by what he'd caught his brother about to do now. Somewhere inside him, Jake felt like he'd had little choice but to knock Danny unconscious to keep him from doing something stupid; and more to the point that if Danny had been there to hurt Ruby now, he'd have done the same again, even without the proper use of his legs. What he witnessed happening on the video after that point, proved to him that things were out of his hands by that point. As he watched the image of himself desperately running to the woods he could now clearly recall the events that followed. The plot in his head seemed even more vivid than what he'd seen on screen.

"I just wanted to make him stop, Ruby." He muttered hoarsely. "I just wanted him to get away from there, from you, your Dad's influence, from Grant and Phil. I just wanted him in a hospital somewhere getting the care he needed. I never meant to kill him, Ruby. I just had to make him see sense…he was too far gone to help."

Tears ran freely down Jake's face as he tried to explain all the feelings that rushed over him now that he was able to bear witness to the truth. Ruby put her arms around him, climbing up onto his bed, she pulled him close and held onto him like she were afraid that a tornado would come along and rip them apart at any moment.

"I know, sweetheart. Grant told me what happened the night of the accident. I was going to tell you… when you asked for Danny… I just didn't know how to. I didn't want to hurt you anymore. Jake I'm sorry I had to show you all that. I know it hurts to see it… I felt like my soul had been torn out when I watched it yesterday."

"I'm so sorry for what Danny did to you. Ruby" Jake said with all the remorse that Danny should have shown, evident in his own husky voice. Even after his brother had been in the ground for months, Jake was still making up for his mistakes. It was a habit he'd probably never be able to break.

"I'll never let anyone hurt you ever again. I'm sorry I made you stay away… I just thought that I was… dangerous. There was so much hate and anger inside me… I couldn't risk you getting hurt. Not after everything you've been through."

"What about what you have been through? Jake you were never capable of the cruel heartless evil that my father dished out. I let what happened scare me into believing that you were the same as them… but the way you protected me… Jake, I love you and I know you'd never want to hurt me. The best thing you can do now is to let the real physiotherapist help you and come home to me."

Jake looked shocked. He'd been torturing himself so much, convincing himself that Ruby would hate him by now and it was too late to ask for her compassion; he hadn't even considered that she'd wait for him and forgive him so easily. Jake looked up at the image of himself on screen, running out into the unknown full of fear and something about the scene told him that it was now time to stop running. Danny wasn't out there waiting for him to clean up his messes; the mess his brother had got himself into in the end was too much for Jake to fix in any case. Now all that waited for him was the life he'd continually put on hold. It was time to let go of the past and live for himself.

It was as if he could breathe easy again now that the truth was out and having Ruby there made all the difference. He felt safe with her by his side, but how long could that last? The thought of them being together again scared him as much as it thrilled him; he knew it wouldn't be easy and that the trauma they had both been through could only energize their relationship for so long. He'd been afraid to allow himself to love her at first, because of their ages and the fact that she was Johnny Allen's daughter; but now he feared that his love wouldn't be enough. No matter how strong his feelings were for her, he still couldn't believe that their relationship would go the distance. Guilt had motivated her to stay with him and want him this long. How much longer could she see merit in being with a man substantially older than her and completely below her in terms of their lifestyles? One battle may be over, but to be settled together and truly in love, would likely be another long struggle.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter Eight

Twenty-three people had passed through the door to Jake's room since 6.30am and by a little after nine he was beginning to get antsy as to why one of his visitors hadn't been his girlfriend Ruby. She said she would be there the minute that Dr Perry gave him the all clear to go home, but he'd called to tell her he'd been discharged at 8.00am and there was still no word. He was starting to think she'd had second thoughts about him coming back to live with her at number 41. To be honest 'starting' wasn't exactly true, ever since they'd got back together he'd been convinced each time they met or spoke on the phone that she'd be telling him that she'd had a better offer.

Living together, even with separate bedrooms for the time being, seemed like a huge deal to a man who had never had a woman go out of her way that much for him. Jake couldn't quite get used to the fact that Ruby wanted him, crutches, scars, deafness and all. He'd begun to notice her getting quite irritated with the way he doubted her loyalty, and he knew it wasn't helping them to build something real between them; but the fact was that each morning he was sure it would be the end of his happiness. At 9.30am, he'd got to the point where he was almost certain she'd be a no-show.

Ruby had told him how she'd had to grovel to Charlie for a ride to and from the hospital, but with a little coercion from Stacey, Charlie had reluctantly agreed. He certainly wasn't Jake's biggest fan and he hadn't been happy with anything Ruby had done to their new shared home; but he didn't want to make her life more difficult. She had after all been through a lot over the last year. Jake supposed that Charlie and a fair few others in Albert Square were holding out for Ruby to come to her senses and such ideas only fed into his own paranoia. Despite his doubts though, he knew that it hadn't been easy for Ruby to get things organised and this kept a flicker of hope alive. She wouldn't be going through so much hassle if she didn't love him and that was something he now needed to cling to stronger than ever. A month's physiotherapy hadn't been as effective as he'd hoped and he knew that he needed Ruby as much as he wanted to be with her. He was about to call her mobile again when the door swung open and she appeared looking rather flustered and out of breath.

"Sorry sweetheart, the lift was out of order and Charlie was making a fuss…" She explained moving to kiss Jake's cheek before opening the suitcase and handing him the clothes she'd brought for him to go home in. "I was up early and ready to come over and wait on Dr Perry with you, but Scarlet is flooded and Grant called me to say he had to meet Jane and couldn't deal with the emergency plumber…"

Jake reached to hold her hand as she frantically packed the contents of his locker into the suitcase. She had obviously had a rough morning and he knew that they were both feeling a little nervous, now that the day they'd hoped for was finally here. If they were going to survive it, they'd clearly need to give each other a lot of support.

"Hey, come sit here a minute, would you?" He said patting the bed beside him. "You don't have to fuss… I've been here for about five months now, I don't think they'll mind half an hour more." Jake said smiling a little uneasily.

Ruby gave him a broad grin and shoved the suitcase across the bed to make room to sit down; before putting her arms around Jake and squeezing him a little too tightly.

"I'm sorry; I'm being a little nuts aren't I? I'm just eager to get us home. You are going to be shocked when you see the place. I was up late last night adding finishing touches. If the club hadn't have been flooded, we'd be home by now. Grant really hasn't been doing a good job lately. I'm thinking of getting someone else in to work the bar as he has been so distracted with this thing he has going with Jane…"

Jake chuckled. Six months earlier Ruby had seemed like a naïve and erratic teenager, in need of protection and guidance, without her parents or older sister around; now she was acting more like a middle-aged business woman than someone about to turn eighteen in a few weeks. She'd changed so much since the day her father had gone to prison, Jake felt sorry for her loss of freedom; but he was glad that she'd more than measured up to the difficulties that now lay ahead of her. Somehow, his doubts about their relationship lasting all drifted away when she was there beside him.

"I love you, Ruby." He said without really being aware that words were coming from his mouth at all.

Ruby looked stunned for a moment and sort of resembled a deer that Jake had almost hit when he and Danny had stolen a car from their foster father at the age of fourteen. He had a second to think how bizarre it was that he could remember the strangest things since the accident and then Ruby let a grin creep across her face, instead of the paralysed shock with which she had welcomed his words of endearment.

He'd caught himself wanting to say that he loved her quite often since they had got back together. She'd been like a rock to him as he struggled to start walking again, and there were a number of times when she sat with him at night, as he'd been ready to give up and she'd managed somehow to help him see some hope beyond his stumbling and crotchety behaviour. He just hadn't felt that it was right to say it when it seemed to be out of necessity rather than desire.

"You've never said that before." Ruby said a little emotionally overwhelmed. "Do you really mean it?" Jake smiled and pushed one of his crutches against the cabinet so he could twist around to look at her properly.

"Of course I mean it." He said lifting her chin with his fingers to move close and kiss her. "I'd have said it before… only I didn't want you to think I was just saying it so you'd take care of me. It's all been so crazy between us, Ruby. I needed to know it was real; I needed for both of us to be sure. I know I'm an old cradle-snatcher, but I've never had much luck with women - not lasting relationships anyway - I didn't want either of us to end up heartbroken."

"Well I broke your head, so I think I'll leave your heart alone." Ruby teased, while running her fingers in between the buttons on his pyjamas and leaning in to kiss down his neck.

"Hmm, now if I'd known it would have this effect on you, I'd have said it sooner." Jake sighed, running his fingers through her sweet scented hair and over the silky hem of her top, causing her to tremble a little and draw closer to him. She had just managed to undo a couple of the buttons on the shirt of his pyjamas while kissing him deeper than they'd ever done before, when the door opened behind them and in walked Matron Nielson with Stacey. Fortunately Charlie had opted to wait in the car to avoid just this kind of repeat incident.

"Now can't that wait until you get home? You know all the nurses are sorry enough to lose you already Jake, without rubbing their noses in it." The Matron said with a wry smile. Jake chuckled and shuffled off the bed to go to the bathroom and change his clothes.

"Would it make any difference, if I said I needed help getting dressed?" he chanced. Stacey rolled her eyes and told him in her own delightful way that she wouldn't believe a word of it. Matron Neilson signed some of the papers and gave Jake some painkillers and made him promise to drop in and say hello when he came to his physiotherapy appointment and then left the three of them alone.

Ruby waited for Jake to close the door to the bathroom, before sitting next to her friend in the window and blurting out how elated she was that Jake had finally told her he loved her.

Stacey sighed; all she'd heard for the past few weeks was Jake this and Jake that and 'do you think Jake will like the way I've decorated' and 'you don't think Jake's allergic to feather pillows do you'. Since she'd never been the sort to gush about her relationship with Bradley it was getting a bit tiring to hear all of Ruby's ramblings. On occasion she'd considered giving Ruby the low-down on just how intimate she and Bradley had become lately, but with Ruby only just managing first base with Jake, even she thought that would be a little too tactless. Now however happy she was for Ruby, it was beginning to test her patience.

"Great, Rubes! Do you think you can just ask him about his allergies and whether or not he likes peas now then, instead of me?" Stacey said a little reproachfully. Ruby looked hurt.

"I'm sorry that I've been going on about me and Jake so much, Stace… I just… well you are the only one I can talk to. Everyone else thinks I'm crazy, other than Grant and he doesn't have the time of day for me lately, unless I'm giving him his paycheque. Besides, talking to Grant about that is just a bit urgh!"

"Don't you think it's a bit urgh to me too? I don't need to know every little thing you do, you know. It is okay for you to keep some things to yourself." Stacey explained.

"I just… you're my friend."

Stacey felt bad. She hadn't meant to upset Ruby or ruin her good mood. She was really happy for her that things were going well. While everyone else seemed to think Ruby and Jake's relationship was, at best, a bit grim; Stacey thought it was great that her friend had found someone who made her happy, even if he was quite tragically old. It was just that things had been getting difficult at home since Ruby had asked for Charlie's help; add to that Stacey didn't have the heart to tell her friend the rumours she'd been hearing at the Vic lately. Charlie was one embarrassing interruption away from getting in touch with Johnny Allen and the nosey locals were making up all kinds of stories. The latest being that Jake had taken his responsibility to 'look after' Ruby a little too far and knocked her up. If they'd known that they had barely got as far as a quick grope, they'd probably have been mortified. Gossiping was so much fun to the likes of Pauline and Bradley's Grandma.

"I'm really happy for you Ruby, but you should talk to Jake about things more… you know, how you feel and stuff. If you two are going to last, well there's a lot you don't know about each other." Ruby shrugged but looked like she had accepted what Stacey was trying to say.

"I guess so. People don't always know each other that well at first though, do they?"

"Yeah, that's right, but they don't usually move in together this quick either. I know it's different, what with Jake being ill and all, but the age thing… well it makes people think the worst and they… they ask questions and make assumptions, you need to know how to answer them if you're going to stand up to it all."

What Stacey was saying made sense to Ruby, but she had been so busy and so concerned with helping Jake get better that she refused to give time to concerns about what others would think. She'd been avoiding having to answer any difficult questions and pretended not to hear the whispering and jeering of nosey locals, when she was out in the Square. With that said, she knew they weren't going to go away in a hurry either.

"It's no ones business but our own. I love Jake and he loves me…" She said letting her stern demeanour break a little as she smiled again at that thought. "They can all say what they want about us, they're just sad, lonely fools."

Jake had been about to open the door and ask Ruby to help him with his shoes and socks, when he overheard what Stacey had to say about the residents of Albert Square. He too, had been casting aside the concerns he had over other people's prejudices. Recovering his health and being with Ruby, was all he wanted to bother himself with at that point; but he wasn't a stupid man, twelve years wasn't something people easily looked past.

"Stacey's right, Ruby." He said returning barefoot from the bathroom, in jeans and a dark blue shirt, that he assumed Ruby had bought fairly recently as he didn't recognise them and the shirt was a little too big. Ruby turned to him, nibbling her lip nervously.

"You hear pretty well for a man with partial deafness, don't you?" Ruby said trying to play down her worry.

"This ear's fine." Jake replied pulling on his left ear lobe to make a point. "You can't keep on ignoring what everyone thinks Ruby. I've seen the books for Scarlet, people are keeping away. They have already made their assumptions about us."

"Well I don't care what they think. I haven't cared for the last six months…" Ruby protested.

"That's because you haven't had anything to do with them. Grant told me you haven't been out of the house long enough to confront anyone. Are you ashamed of us?" Jake inquired, with paranoia starting to creep back into his mind.

"What? No of course I'm not. I just… well I don't know what to tell them. We are together… but they all seem to think you are forcing me into something or that you just fancy having it away with some innocent virgin or something…"

Stacey was starting to edge her way towards the door and by Jake's expression, it was obvious that she wasn't the only one that Ruby's words had led to feel uncomfortable. She wanted to get out the door before things got awkward; but she was also curious to see how Jake would react now that Ruby was actually telling him the things she'd been whining to her about for months. He'd swallowed pretty hard at the mention of Ruby's virginity, but that could be for a number of reasons.

"You've had sex before though… haven't you?" Jake said; pretty sure that he'd decked Juley once, more for how he'd had sex with Ruby for money, than for his persistence to talk to her on the stall when she wanted nothing to do with him.

Ruby didn't appreciate the reminder and nodded looking uncomfortable. There had been a couple of times with Juley, which at the time had felt really special; now all she came away with when she remembered those times, was the question of how much she was worth. If the residents of Albert Square thought that Jake Moon was a cradle-snatcher using her for sex they should have been more concerned by the fact that Juley Smith at only five years her senior had bought her virginity for what, fifty quid, a hundred? Her summation was that they didn't have a clue what real love was about, otherwise they'd be happy for them.

"Yes, Jake. You damn well know that I have!" Ruby said crossly, before starting to haphazardly pack the rest of Jake's belongings into the suitcase she'd brought along.

Jake realised how insensitive that had been and moved awkwardly over to the bed to put his arms around her. Unfortunately in her petulance Ruby pushed him away and it only took one wobble of his crutches to have him fall backwards and crash into Stacey.

"Jake! Oh God, I'm sorry I didn't think… I'm really sorry, Jake." Ruby said trying to help him get his balance, while Stacey was losing her grip on his shoulder, where she'd only just stopped him falling over a medical trolley full of bandages and bedpans. He looked very embarrassed and once he was balanced on his crutches again Stacey quickly took the chance to leave the room.

"Jake, do you hate me? I'm really sorry I knocked you over…" Ruby began fretfully. "It just… all of this just gets to me."

Jake shuffled back to sit on the bed and without a word pulled Ruby backwards to sit beside him. He looked concerned and although he clearly wasn't going to mention it, she could tell he'd hurt his leg when he'd slipped. She looked at him forlornly.

"Don't you think it worries me too?" He asked after a long silence. "I'm sorry I brought all that stuff up… I forget things… I'm really nervous about us, you know, getting physical. I'm not that good at knowing how intimate we are supposed to get… in the past it was just one night stands, or I wasn't the one making the moves. It's different when you really are in love with someone. I don't want to get it wrong, especially because of your past."

Ruby smiled and pulled her feet up onto the bed before twisting around to cuddle Jake and kiss his head where the scar was, not realising what a protective habit it had become. He slipped his arm around her and pulled her across him to kiss her tenderly.

"I don't hate you Ruby, I love you… but if you knock me over again… I'll have to beat you with my crutches." He said between warm gentle kisses.

Ruby froze for a moment. Jake had sounded as utterly serious about loving her as he had about the domestic violence jibe. So even though, in her rational mind, she knew that he'd never hurt her, she also knew she'd caused him a lot of pain, which made her worry that maybe he didn't completely forgive her for it all. Then her moment of doubt was over as she saw that he was smirking and she poked him in the stomach for playing her so easily.

"Okay, maybe I'll find some other way to make you suffer." He teased finding a ticklish spot at the back of her neck and making her squirm across his lap. She squealed and tried to grab his hands unsuccessfully, only for him to stop quite suddenly a few moments later; once again making her afraid that she'd hurt him.

"I think maybe we should go home." He said in answer to her enquiring look. "I think that perhaps I am learning that affection stuff quicker than I'd imagined."

Ruby seemed confused for a minute, but the hungry look on Jake's face wasn't that hard to interpret and her eyes lit up at the thought of him doing more than 'saying' he loved her that day. They packed up the rest of his things, said goodbye to Matron Neilson and the other nurses, and then both of them, giggling like silly teenagers in love, took the lift down with an un-amused Stacey to drive back to the Square in Charlie's cab.

Jake didn't say very much on the way back to Albert Square; he'd moved across the back seat when Ruby helped him into the car, so that Stacey would be sitting between them, and therefore he received the cold shoulder from his girlfriend all the way home. He didn't want to wind Charlie up anymore than he could help it, so despite his actions putting Ruby in a bad mood and setting back the progress they'd made in the hospital, it was a risk he thought it best to take. He certainly didn't fancy walking home. As they turned into the Square, Ruby finally let her excitement get the better of her and stopped sulking long enough to lean over Stacey and ask Jake what he thought of the house.

"Did you knock it down and start again?" He said genuinely looking quite shocked by the transformation. The diseased Birch tree outside had been cut down and replaced with three more saplings. It looked like Ruby had hired Ground Force to landscape the small front garden and it allowed a lot more light into the house. Something which Jake couldn't help but be glad about, when he looked back on those miserable days brooding over Chrissie refusing his proposal and after Nana passed away; not to mention how lonely and prison-like it had felt after Danny's death. He'd been concerned about Ruby's extravagant plans at first, but had to admit now that she had been right to change the place so much; his memories of its last incarnation weren't particularly pleasant ones by and large. In fact looking back on his life, he'd never really felt at home anywhere. Catching Ruby's joyful smile, he truly hoped that this would be the first.

The exterior of number 41 clearly showed that Ruby had inherited her father's taste for the opulent; she'd had the house painted white and new beech framed windows installed with a matching solid wood door, which put the rest of the properties in the Square to shame. Jake got the impression that Ruby had enjoyed annoying the neighbours with her renovations as much as wanting them to be perfect for his homecoming, since the note of glee in her smile as she caught Pauline Fowler glaring at her was unmistakeable. He chuckled and moved to get out of the cab and take a closer look.

"Well… do you need help to get in?" Charlie offered reluctantly. Fortunately Ruby shook her head and let him off having to actually help Jake into their house of ill repute. She had to become accustomed to helping Jake get about, so what better place to start than on his first introduction to their new home.

"Mo will be wanting you back at the stall, remember Stacey. Don't hang around too long, okay?" Charlie said clearly eager to get away from them, as if Jake might warp his nieces mind too, if he sat beside her for too long.

"Thank you, Charlie." Jake said sincerely. "I don't think I'd have managed the trip home, without your knowledge of roads without potholes!" Ruby smiled and although Charlie had mistakenly thought that he'd detected a note of sarcasm in Jake's voice, he accepted the compliment for her sake.

Stacey carried Jake's suitcase inside after Ruby had unlocked the new door and moved the box of decorating materials into the closet under the stairs, so Jake wouldn't trip over it. Then with an encouraging smile to her friend, she excused herself and made her way across the Square past all the curious onlookers. She knew they'd been gossiping by the way they all went quiet as she took her place on the stall, and didn't even condone to answer Mo's inquisitive look. Stacey had decided long ago to keep her knowledge of Ruby's relationship to herself, who ever started asking questions. She'd lost her friend once, when Johnny had messed with her head, she didn't want it to happen again.

Jake could hardly believe it was the same place as he shuffled inside on his crutches; it was all so bright and airy. Ruby had sanded down the staircase and all the floorboards and varnished them herself - probably on one of those miserable nights when she couldn't get Jake out of her head and needed a distraction - so that the house harked back to its earlier Victorian design. The walls were white and Ruby had expended a lot of effort placing photo frames up the staircase of happier times. Photos of Nana with her boys, an old one of Jake and Danny long before they came to Walford and some of her own family; there was even one with her Dad in it, though he'd almost been edited off the edge when Ruby cut the photo down to fit the frame. Ruby closed the door and locked it; something which had become a habit, in case she started sleepwalking again when she was stressed out. The she spotted Jake looking at the photo of him and Danny and paused in her exuberance to give him the grand tour, to make sure she hadn't over stepped the mark by going through Nana's old photos.

"You don't mind?" She asked holding onto Jake's arm and nibbling her lower lip as she always did when she was nervous. Jake shook his head, partly to reply in the negative and partly to remove himself from the daze he'd slipped into. He'd only seen the hallway so far and already it felt like more of a home than he could ever remember having before.

"It looks great!" Jake said pulling his eyes away from the photo and letting them rest upon his girlfriend. "I can't believe how different it all looks… The photos are really nice." He said smiling softly. "That one was taken when Danny and I got jobs on the docks in Dover." Jake laughed. "Danny decided he was going to be a sailor, because he thought they had luck with the ladies. Then he got arrested for trying to smuggle whisky and he ended up in the young offender's institution down the road."

Ruby wasn't sure what to say. Jake had seemed reluctant to talk about Danny, since his memory of Essex had returned properly. She'd put the photos up in the hope that he would discuss his feelings more and focus on the happier times they'd had together instead of the tragic end; but now he was doing just that, she felt at a loss for the right words with which to support him. Instead she put her arm around him and he leant against her a little and kissed her head.

"I like the photos. Maybe later we can look at the rest of Nana's album and I can tell you all the stories she'd have embarrassed me with. So long as you provide the cups of tea and biscuits, she wouldn't have let you in on Moon family secrets like that without some strong tea and a garibaldi." Ruby grinned and kissed Jake, before hurrying him into the living room to see the rest of her efforts.

Since Jake was beginning to feel quite tired, Ruby limited her tour to the ground floor only and showed him the new disability-friendly, downstairs bathroom, the shiny new fitted kitchen - which was painted silvery white and had a quite a masculine feel to it, instead of the dated bright puce look it had worn before - and the rather enchanting living and dining room, decorated with bright summer colours and luxurious soft fabrics. She helped Jake get comfortable on the squishy new sofa, before making them both lunch and cuddling up with a blanket and a tray of sandwiches and snacks.

"Is everything okay?" Ruby asked flicking on the stereo and turning the sound down low on a mix tape she'd put together the previous night, just for this occasion. "You do eat meat don't you? I don't, but I made you some ham sandwiches, you don't have to eat anything you don't like… I should have asked you what you wanted…"

"Ruby, calm down; the food is great, the house is… amazing. You are…" Jake paused watching her anxious expression build until her brow furrowed and her lower lip receded behind her teeth as she gnawed at it nervously waiting on his approval. "…beautiful… adorable… my sweetheart. I don't know what I did to deserve being treated like a prince, but I'm making no complaints."

Ruby grinned and a blush began to run up her cheeks and across her pale complexion causing her freckles to disappear and her eyes to well-up with tears. Jake guessed that she'd been planning every little detail since the accident happened and now the day was here, it was getting a little too much for her. He pushed the remaining food aside and pulled her close to him, before kissing her tenderly on the lips and letting his arms wrap around her light frame, to pull her into a tight embrace.

"Oh, I love you so much, Ruby." Jake whispered, before planting soft kisses down her neck. "You're an angel, and you've done such an amazing job with the house. I'm glad you didn't give up on me… I'm so sorry I pushed you away before. I wanted to be with you every day and I knew I was being an idiot. I just didn't know who I was then." Ruby pulled back from him a little and sniffed back the tears which had been running down Jake's shirt unnoticed.

"You're my boyfriend and I love you too, Jake. Everything I've done was just to make you happy. I heard…" She paused wondering if she should bring up something so horrible at such a special moment.

"What is it, darling? You can tell me anything you know. I heard what Stacey said, you know about… the peas…" He smirked. "She's right we do have a lot to learn about each other, but you know, I'm kinda looking forward to it. I always thought you had a fascinating mind… and such a good heart. I just never knew it would be mine one day."

Ruby held Jake's face in her cupped palms and moved forward onto her knees to kiss him, slowly lowering him back on the cushions and running her fingers through his short hair as they made out, alone and without interruption for the first time.

She was quite clearly taking the lead and being as she'd only been with Juley a couple of times, she wasn't exactly expert; but Jake didn't seem unhappy with her ministrations. She'd bought him the clothes he was wearing, so taking them off him shouldn't pose any problem and having spent quite a few nights on the sofa, while the bedrooms were painted, she knew every creak of the leather and more to the point the noise it made when she was about to slip off it. The only thing that she didn't know was how Jake would react to her taking things further physically. All that ruined her fantasy moment was the fact that he was extremely reluctant to take it further than what she thought of as dumb teenage fumbling.

Maybe he was more inexperienced than she'd thought, he had given that impression when she'd inferred anything about them getting intimate at the hospital; but why then did Chrissie Watts want anything to do with him? Chrissie had always seemed as superficial as they come and it wasn't looks or generosity that kept her with Den surely; or was that just Ruby's jealousy showing through, since Jake must have found something attractive about her. The thought kind of dampened her emotions and Jake seemed to have put the brakes on anyway.

"What's on your mind, Ruby?" He asked stroking her back beneath the thin silky top she was wearing. "Did I do something wrong?" She moved to lie beside him and let her slender denim-clad thigh wrap over Jake's hip as she held onto him to stop from slipping backwards off the sofa.

"Do you want to have sex with me?" Ruby asked as though she were asking Jake if he liked the way she'd painted the ceiling, rather than something so intimate. He coughed and seemed to squirm a little, as she absently ran her fingers through the hair on his chest.

"I don't think I'm really up to it at the moment" He replied. She looked at him questioningly and moved her thigh knowingly across him. "Well… I don't think… We don't have to rush into everything, do we?" He said a little more assertively.

Ruby seemed hurt and a bit confused. She'd assumed that he was reluctant because they were at the hospital, or someone could interrupt them before; but now they were alone it was as if Jake wasn't really into her at all.

"I don't want to rush into things either… but you… it seems like you don't want to. You still think I'm a silly girl, don't you?" She was beginning to get herself upset and Jake felt bad.

"I do want you. I think… well it's pretty obvious isn't it? I just feel that we should take our time. I don't want to hurt you…"

"Well there's no chance of that, Jake. You were barely even touching me. Can't you see how much I want to be with you?" Ruby said exasperatedly. "Do you think I'm too young for you, or are you not very good at this…"

"For God's sake, Ruby! You want to know the truth… I'm not feeling well. My legs are hurting like hell, and I'm exhausted. Yes, I want to have sex with you; but to be quite honest, I'm scared you'll get bored of me once you realise what a normal relationship is, and want someone else. I've been through hell the last six months and I don't want to find that all this is just a game to you and I'm going to be heart broken and homeless."

Ruby got off Jake and went to move the tray of leftover food onto the table rather sulkily. For all the changes in her since the accident, she could still sulk like a petulant child. Jake tried to move but couldn't get any purchase against the arm of the leather couch to sit up and swore out loud as he jarred his back in a vain attempt to twist around.

"Don't swear at me!" Ruby said scathingly. "For your information, I put the house in your name anyway. I told you I did this to make you happy and my Dad has given me enough money to buy a place anywhere I want. All of this is yours, so you don't need to worry about being homeless… if that's the only reason you keep up this charade."

Jake was shocked at her announcement, but was more concerned with the pain he'd caused in his back, which was now close to making him pass out. Frustrated and angry at himself for not seeing that he'd need more help than Ruby could give him, Jake shoved himself sideways and dropped his leg to the floor in an agonizing attempt to grip something so that he could get up and reach his crutches at the other end of the couch.

"Why don't you ask for help?" Ruby said realising that Jake hadn't been cursing at her at all, but at the pain he was in.

"Because I can do it myself!" Jake spat back irritably. "You don't have to do anything for me. You didn't need to do all this…" He said gesturing at the décor. "And you didn't have to make me ham sandwiches…" He managed to pull himself up and was getting out of breathe at the exertion it was all taking. "You are a vegetarian, Ruby. Why on earth would you want to cut up dead pig for my lunch? You do all this and you feel so damn guilty for smashing me in the head with a bottle…"

Ruby was crying now and not the happy tears that had been frequent visitors during the first part of their day either. She tried to help Jake up and went to hand him his crutches; but as she'd learnt at his physiotherapy sessions, he could be really irritable and obnoxious when he refused to ask for help.

"Swear at me all you like." She said finally running out of patience, with his growing temper and suddenly feeling free to express it without a nurse walking in. "I might feel bad for putting you in this condition and I might want to make things as easy for you as I can, by fixing the place up; but the main reason I'm still here is because I love you." Jake stopped struggling to reach his crutches and looked up at her, almost as red in the face as he was. "Yes, you heard me. Even when you are being loathsome to me and when you think I'm only here out of guilt… I still love you, because I trust you with my life and I can't see myself ever loving anyone else this way."

"Ruby… I'm sorry…" Jake began, feeling his own guilt and familiar depression seeping into his head like ice water to a goldfish in a tank.

"I know. Did it occur to you that maybe part of the reason I want us to make love is because I'm scared you only want me around to look after you? You don't have anyone else. I put the house in your name so you wouldn't think it was a bribe to keep you here. I don't want you to feel that I'm making you dependant on me. I thought you'd feel… emasculated by it or something. I'm really trying to make things right for you… for us. I know I can't prove things by us screwing one another… I just want to be with you." Ruby said, now somewhat frustrated herself. "Now will you let me help you?"


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter Nine

The silliest little things seemed to set Jake off since he'd returned home a month earlier. It could be that he slept badly; or his painkillers weren't enough to ease the aches he'd created when the previous day had been more positive and energetic. Perhaps something would remind him of the past and he'd be swamped with old miseries; or he'd just feel less of a man for not being able to take care of his girlfriend, or even himself properly. It didn't really matter what it was, or how much Ruby tried to ensure that these issues wouldn't surface; some mornings she just knew that Jake wasn't going to be easy to be around. The days of hiding out at number 41 and hoping that he'd soon be there with her, had drifted from her mind now and Ruby often found it hard to keep her spirits up, once Jake started to get irritable and depressed.

That said, they had shared more good days than bad in their new home together and their levels of intimacy had slowly improved, thanks to them being forced into a little more honesty by their homecoming argument. Being able to speak freely to one another eased a lot of tensions, and sometimes it felt like they'd known one another forever, they could predict each other so well. Assumptions gave way to truths and whether predicted or not, they had grown a lot closer with greater knowledge of one another's history, thoughts and feelings. The trouble was that Jake really had no one else to rely on and his lack of independence created ill-feelings for them both at times.

Three weeks away from her eighteenth birthday, as autumn really began to set in and turn the weather cold and wet; Ruby found that living with Jake wasn't quite the fairy tale she'd envisaged. As much as she loved him and wanted to spend time with him, it hurt when he took out his misery on her; she'd begun to hate how low he could get. It wasn't that she was angry at him for feeling ill or depressed, she knew given the cause for his suffering that such a reaction would be ludicrous; but it was his reluctance to let her in when he felt so down, that drove Ruby crazy. A bad day could so easily be turned into a better one if he'd just let go of his anxieties and allow her to care for him. Though time and experience had also taught her that some days it was the fact that dependence on her was his only option, which made him feel so despondent. Sadly sometimes the only thing she could do to help him was to leave him alone to ride out the waves of depression and somehow find his way back to her heart at the end of it.

It was October 1st at 8.00am and already Ruby wasn't looking forward to the day ahead. She noticed the tell tale sign of a bad day, as she stumbled half asleep onto Jake's painkillers spilled on the tiled bathroom floor. She usually heard him getting up if he was in pain during the night and would lie awake in the darkness listening to make sure he got back to bed okay. She hadn't heard a thing last night; but then they had got a little tipsy the previous evening staying up to watch what had turned out to be a rather steamy thriller. Sadly any intimacy they shared usually made Jake ache for the next day or so for all the wrong reasons and although Ruby had been a little too drunk to properly recall just how frisky they had been the evening before, the number of painkillers left in the bottle and over the counter suggested that they had reached a new high. After using the toilet and taking a shower she put on a robe over her towel and went to gently knock on the door to Jake's bedroom.

"Come in!" she heard him call gruffly. Even the intonation in his voice was enough for Ruby to believe that today was going to be a hard one. She pushed the door open and walked into his dark bedroom.

"Can I put the light on?" She asked, fumbling for the switch to the bedside lamp, before finding his warm fingers wrapped around it as the room lit up in a pale blue glow. She blinked to get used to the light, and then searched his face for a hint of how well his painkillers were working.

"You feel cold, sweetheart. I'll try and look at that central heating system later." Jake mumbled rustling the quilt as he turned over to see Ruby properly. "Why don't you get in here with me… or do you need to get to college?"

Ruby felt a little relieved that he wasn't in a bad mood at least, but she was always on alert to how Jake was recovering and how he felt; he seemed too hot and neither she nor the house were that cold. She got under the covers with him and pretending to just stroke his hair she felt to see if he had a temperature as he yawned and snuggled close to her.

"I'm fine… I took some pills." He said knowing full well what she was up to. Then stretching out and running his fingers through her damp and freshly combed hair, he lowered his voice and kissed her neck. "You smell delicious. Who are you trying to impress?"

Ruby smiled as Jake lazily ran his hands down the collar of her bathrobe and then sighed mournfully as his fingers met up with the damp towel beneath it. Perhaps he wasn't feeling as bad as she had predicted, as the heat didn't seem to be created by him running a fever.

"It's Sunday, sweetie, I don't need to go anywhere. I just had a shower… I thought you were feeling bad, you dropped your pills… you usually only do that when you're feeling really bad and need to take them quickly."

Jake chuckled and lowered his head to kiss further down her neck and over her protruding collarbone to the warm swell of her chest. His breath was hot on her skin and she trembled as the warmth spread throughout her body and her heart began to speed up with each gentle caress of his soft hands and lips.

"You think you know me so well, don't you darling?" Jake whispered returning his mouth up to her ear to suck on her ear lobe, knowing how it made her weak at the knees when he did. "I figured that if it tires me out to get too 'energetic' and then I have to take three codeine tablets to recover then taking two before hand might be less hassle."

Ruby tried to acknowledge the sense in Jake's realisation but as his lips found their way to her breast and he reached up to tug the towel free, she realised that she had basically forgotten how to form words. Eventually she managed to breathe… "Before what?" A question, which Jake was only too happy to answer by sliding on top of her and tugging the belt of her robe loose.

"I'm not sure if I was dreaming… After all, that's been known to happen too." Jake mumbled, his mouth otherwise occupied with Ruby's left breast, "Or did you tire me out more than usual last night?"

Jake was right, alcohol had only dulled her senses a little and now with a clear head and some physical reminders, she could quite clearly recall them getting naked on the couch together the previous evening. She giggled as Jake's special treatment began to tickle and she recalled how far his mouth had dropped when he saw her slip off the sexy new lingerie she'd bought to entice him with. Now it appeared that he'd got up early, not because he was suffering, but to make sure that nothing was going to get in the way of them continuing where they left off the previous evening.

"I thought you were shy?" She said breathlessly. "I decided to…"

"Make it impossible for me to resist you?" Jake offered, smoothing his hands over her silky soft skin and shivering as he felt her rubbing her bare thigh against him, deliberately trying to drive him crazy with desire. "You only have to use that vanilla shampoo to do that."

"The vanilla is a body wash; the shampoo is rose and cedar." She said running her hands down his back and under the elastic waistband of his shorts, causing him to groan and shift his weight a little on top of her. "It's supposed to be sensual." Ruby explained with minimal interruption from her aroused mewls.

"Whatever… it still makes me want to eat you up."

Stacey slammed the door of 23 Albert Square with so much force that Charlie, who was venturing towards the inside of it, could have believed that a tornado had blown it shut rather than his irate niece. He'd been talking to her over breakfast about the calls he'd been receiving from Johnny Allen recently. Each time Johnny had called, Stacey had persuaded him not to mention that Ruby wasn't living with them anymore; but Charlie was beginning to feel guilty for continually lying to Johnny about his daughter's whereabouts. Stacey had promised that she'd convince Ruby to call him back or at least start writing to him again, but obviously she had so far done nothing of the sort.

"I don't know what that girl is up to, but getting our Stacey to keep her secrets… and me… Well it's not good enough." Charlie grumbled to Mo as they both stood at the bottom of the stairs. "I mean what are we supposed to think… she hardly ever goes out and even Stacey hasn't been round there much… something isn't right. That Jake is almost old enough to be her father and… No, it's not right."

"Well what are you going to do about it then?" Mo grumbled. "You told Ruby that she couldn't be with Jake if she lived here and she moved out. You can't do anything Charlie."

"I can tell Johnny where she is when he calls again." Charlie protested, not appreciating Mo reminding him how useless he felt.

In his mind, and with all the rumours people were whispering, Jake wasn't far removed from his brother Harry. Charlie had convinced himself that Jake was taking advantage of young Ruby. Since he'd never known at the time that his own brother was abusing Kat, and that Zoë was the product of that incestuous relationship, he hadn't been able to put a stop to it before a world of pain was caused. Now he felt that protecting Ruby was the way to make up for not being there for his own daughter and granddaughter. Jake didn't seem like a bad bloke, but then neither had Harry.

"You shouldn't get involved…" Mo was saying as Charlie mentally relived some of his worst memories and grew even more worried for Ruby in the process. "You don't know what Johnny Allen is capable of… even while he's inside. You know he must have a lot of contacts… maybe we should find out what's really going on before you go telling on her."

"Well what's he going to do?" Charlie began, "He wouldn't hurt Ruby…"

"What if that rumour is true, though Charlie?" Mo said conspiratorially. "What if she is keeping out of sight because she's pregnant? Johnny had that Dennis Rickman killed and left poor Sharon with their baby…"

"He couldn't do that to his own daughter… and you shouldn't be listening to those nasty rumours… we don't know…"

"That doctor's round there every week. I know Jake can't walk, but… well he could be seeing to Ruby as well."

"Oh you don't know what you're on about…" Charlie objected. "Stacey would have said if Ruby was having a baby…"

"Would she? You know what that pair are like…I still think we should keep our noses out, until we know more. I'll get Stacey's mobile when she comes back… You keep her busy and we'll get Ruby's new number and give it to Johnny. Then nothing can come back on us, can it?"

Charlie huffed and puffed a while and clearly didn't like the idea of pinching Stacey's mobile; but he couldn't come up with a better plan and arguing with his mother-in-law was never worth the bother. He hated to admit it, but in these sorts of situations and when some criminal was involved, she probably did know best. He nodded solemnly and went to make a cup of tea, hoping it would drive those ghastly memories from his mind and stop him worrying further about Ruby. He had a horrible feeling that things were going to turn rather nasty as soon as Johnny Allen found out what had been going on in his absence and he really didn't want to end up in the middle of it.

Jake lay back in bed exhausted; Ruby was lightly dozing on his bare left shoulder and for a change he felt very little discomfort as a result of their romantic exertions. For once he found himself completely relaxed and content as they both basked in a post-orgasmic glow. He'd long regretted pushing her away on his return home. It had been a stressful day and he'd taken it out on her; when what he really wanted to be doing was showing his gratitude for all the love and support she'd given him, in whatever way felt right. It had taken longer to recover from that argument than either of them had thought. Jake stared down as a spear of light, cast between his heavy lined curtains, bathed Ruby's serene face in a warm glow; he decided then and there that he wouldn't have had it any other way.

Although they had been close in the hospital, it hadn't felt completely real until they were home together and able to share normal things and truly be themselves. Jake knew that had they made love that afternoon, like Ruby had been so eager to do, it would have just been sex and that wasn't what either of them wanted. Waiting had been frustrating; especially when Ruby was quite clearly trying to drive him to distraction by wandering around in her underwear or leaving the bathroom door open when she was in the shower; but this felt right. Laying there, their naked bodies entwined and a sense of contentment and peace surrounding them, for the first time in his life Jake felt like he was home.

Despite his initial misgivings about the age gap, his feelings towards Ruby had changed dramatically since that day in Essex. He did feel very attracted to her and those feelings had only been growing as they got to know one another more completely. She'd changed a lot since her Dad went to prison; it were as though Johnny treating her like a child for far too long, had stopped her from taking on the adult responsibilities she was more than ready for. Jake's accident had brought out the best in her and they both knew that in spite of the difficulties they were still going through, it was worth it for the love they'd discovered together. Jake would have done anything for her when they returned to Walford together on that terrible day. Now he knew there was only one thing he would never be able to do, and that was to leave her.

All his life he'd felt one step away from running away from something or other, mainly because of an idiotic thing Danny had done; but now he knew that he could never run away from Ruby. Even if she stopped loving him, like he often feared could one day happen, he'd always want to be around for her. He couldn't deny that he was scared by what the future may hold for them, but laying there with her in his arms, he felt sure that they could fight anything that got in their way. Regardless of what other people thought, they had something truly wonderful together and whatever it took Jake wasn't going to let that go.

Stacey had been sitting on Arthur's bench in the Square for almost half an hour and was beginning to feel the chill of the autumn breeze seep through into her bones. She was in a quandary; she knew that Ruby and Jake were getting closer and she didn't want to ruin that, even though she was feeling a bit left out lately. The trouble was that her family were getting tired of being asked questions that they didn't know how to answer and it was only a matter of time before they blew their tops. She had to tell Ruby about all the phone calls they'd received from Johnny the last couple of weeks; even if it did make her friend's life difficult, it was better than her father sending one of his contacts to find out what was going on in his daughter's life. With a heavy heart she stood up and wrapped her jacket tighter before wandering over to one of the only detached properties on the Square, in more ways than one.

Jake heard the knocking downstairs and tried to slide his arm out from under Ruby, who was now sound asleep, before the noise woke her. Chances were that who ever it was would leave before he managed to get some clothes on and get down the stairs, but he felt bad disturbing Ruby to go and answer it and feeling positive for a change, he decided to give it a go himself. He pulled on the jeans he'd kicked off the night before and reached for the cane that the doctor had given him now that he had progressed from his crutches. It took him almost five minutes to get down the stairs; but Stacey was still waiting outside when he unlocked the bolts and Yale lock on the front door, which he still didn't own a key for.

"Stacey? Err Hi. You want to come in?" Jake said a little confused to see her, so early on a Sunday and a little embarrassed that he hadn't found a shirt to open the door in. Stacey looked a little surprised to see him half undressed; even in the hospital he'd been pretty shy about such things, when anyone other than Ruby was around. It momentarily crossed her mind that she'd interrupted something, but she had greater things to think about and waited a moment for Jake to back up and open the door, before walking in and shrugging off the cold.

"Ruby's asleep. You want a cup of tea or something?" He offered closing the door behind her and slowly pacing towards the kitchen, clicking on the central heating on his way and glancing at the pile of laundry for a shirt.

"I… I need to talk." Stacey said awkwardly. Jake picked up an un-ironed blue shirt from the basket of washing and leant against the fridge to support himself while he did the buttons up.

"To me?" He asked feeling quite self-conscious and surprised, since Stacey usually only talked to him when Ruby was around and preferred to sit in silence if they were alone together.

"Yeah… I guess so. It's Johnny… he's been calling our house for weeks. Uncle Charlie is getting really fed up of it. I didn't want to tell Ruby… I thought she was at least writing to him in the nick, and I knew you two were… well I didn't want to ruin things…"

"What does he want?" Jake asked anxiously. "I don't think she wants to see him… she always changes the subject if I talk about him."

"I think he just wants to talk to her… you know it's her birthday coming up and he's probably feeling lonely or missing her or something…" Jake nodded solemnly.

He hadn't been in prison for very long; twice, for a few months at a time, when he was a lot younger and didn't have the experience to blag his and Danny's way out of trouble. Though he knew how reflective a person could get when they were shut up with little distraction; it wasn't unlike how he felt when Ruby went out and he was left trapped at home. He hated Johnny's guts, but he could understand him missing his daughter. It only took a few hours of them being apart, before Jake felt the same, so not seeing her in over six months probably had Johnny going spare.

"Has Charlie told him about us?" Jake asked, before it occurred to him that he'd probably have had his legs broken if Johnny knew about his relationship with Ruby.

"Jake, do you want to be walking again?" Stacey replied, seemingly reading his mind. "Uncle Charlie hasn't said anything, but if Ruby doesn't call Johnny or at least write to him… well I don't fancy your chances."

"Maybe I could call him and tell him she's okay… we've just got things… I don't want to upset her again."

Jake considered his own feelings about Johnny Allen and knew that it would be hard enough for him to be civil to the man who had not only thrown Ruby's life into turmoil, but ultimately been responsible for his own brother's death. It also crossed his mind that he was glad Johnny was miserable, but then it wasn't going to be good for anyone if the old man heard the rumours about his daughter's new love from any of the bigoted locals. He didn't think Ruby would be able to face Johnny alone and wanted to be there for her, but in his current condition, maybe it would be best to put that time off for a while. He cursed himself mentally for not seeing this coming and for almost believing things were going to be good for them from that blissful morning onwards.

"Do you think you could keep all this from him?" Stacey asked doubtfully. "As soon as he knows Ruby isn't living at ours, he'll want to know where she is. Are you going to tell him she's living with you and if you do where does it stop? You know everyone around here thinks you've knocked Ruby up, don't you?"

Jake, who had just sipped his tea, after passing Stacey a cup at the kitchen table, almost drenched her in a fine mist of his own.

"The rumour going around is that you got her drunk at the Opening Night and had sex with her, then when she realised what she'd let happen and you were… going for seconds… she bottled you." Jake laughed, it seemed so ludicrous. "Yeah, I don't reckon Johnny will be laughing if he sends someone round here and gets that story from Peggy Mitchell!"

"If that were true, why is she living with me? It's bloody stupid." Jake said, trying to make sense of the absurd.

"I guess they think you made her stay with you, once she realised she was pregnant; that or she feels bad that she hurt you so much… I don't know they are idiots. Won't stop Johnny sending someone round here with a baseball bat though, will it?"

Jake put his mug down on the oak table, rubbed his hands over his unshaven face and sighed heavily. Half an hour ago the world had been opening up for them; now he realised it was as though someone had opened a box full of his wildest dreams, only to trap his fingers as the lid dropped down again with a crash.

"What do you think I should do?" he asked after a long silence only broken by Stacey slurping her hot tea.

"Well… do you love Ruby?" Stacey asked seriously.

"Of course I do. I'd never do anything to hurt her." Jake replied staunchly. "She isn't pregnant, you know? What they're saying out there, it isn't true." Stacey looked fleetingly intrigued, despite her previous decision to keep her nose out of her friend's love life. "We haven't… if I'd had the sense to buy condoms… we would have this morning… but…"

Stacey cringed and made a gesture which told Jake he was giving her too much information.

"I don't care if you've done it or not… I don't even care if she is pregnant as long as you look after her; but it's not about what I think. Someone has got to speak to Johnny."

"I'll go and see him." Ruby said flatly, appearing in the hallway behind Jake and Stacey, where she'd overheard the latter part of their conversation.

Jake spun around and swallowed hard fearing that Ruby was hurt by what he'd said in someway. He quickly recounted the conversation in his head to make sure he hadn't actually spoken aloud, some of the awful things he'd been thinking about her father; though he really had no need to be so paranoid, as Ruby poured herself a drink and came to sit beside him seeming quite content. Her hair was messy and the robe she was wearing was all crinkled where she'd slept on it, but despite her somewhat dishevelled appearance, she didn't seem to have a care in the world. Jake began to wonder if she'd been considering all this a lot longer than he had, or perhaps she was just blanking out the reality in favour of the harmony they'd created privately at home together. She drank her tea and reached over to squeeze his hand with a smile.

"It'll be okay." She told Jake, before leaning across to kiss him softly. "I'll make him understand. I love you; nothing he can do or say will change that."

Jake immediately felt a wash of paranoia drown all his happy thoughts, as he contemplated all the things that Johnny could tell Ruby that might turn her against him; then as quickly as the doubt had come, he shrugged it off, realising that anything Johnny had over him Ruby already knew. That was where the honesty made the difference. There would always be worse things Johnny had done to outweigh any bad deed Jake had committed. Ruby smiled at him as she watched the furrow in his brow drift away as easily as it had come, and then turned her attention to her friend.

"Stacey, you are such a great friend. You didn't have to keep covering for me. If my Dad calls again, tell him I'll come and visit next week and to leave the information I need to get in to see him." She continued to drink her tea until their inquisitive looks prompted her to explain her intentions further.

"I'll explain that I'm happy and that I've met someone and he can keep his nose out for now. I don't want him interfering in my life anymore and I'll tell him so. When Jake is fully recovered, we'll both go and see him together. He won't want to cause trouble when he sees how happy we are and that Jake really loves me." Then she paused to finish her tea and look in the fridge for something to eat, offering Jake and Stacey breakfast, which they both declined, still more concerned with the situation than Ruby was. Somehow neither Jake nor Stacey thought that Johnny Allen was quite as forgiving as his daughter seemed to believe, but now the current dilemma could be dealt with and that was all that mattered for the time being.

"Do they really think I'm pregnant?" Ruby asked scoffing a vegetarian sausage, and taking an apple and some left over rice pudding from the fridge. Jake managed to hide the smirk which was creeping over his thin lips, but Stacey just couldn't help sniggering a little.

"Why on earth would they think that?" Stacey chuckled. "I suppose you have put on a lot of weight recently."

"I haven't!" Ruby protested. "Jake, I haven't got fat have I?" Stacey was laughing her head off by this point; while Jake was shuffling around the kitchen getting toast and making enough noise to pretend he hadn't heard her question so as to avoid answering it at all.

"Ruby, you don't know much about relationships, do you?" Stacey said receiving a disgruntled look from her over-sensitive friend "He isn't going to say anything… if he does it'll be, 'you always look beautiful' or something soppy like that." Jake laughed and turned to fiddle with the toaster in case Ruby saw him chuckling and chose to tell him off. Instead Ruby decided to turn the tables on them both.

"I'd be quiet if I was you Jake, you'll have no use for those condoms if she believes you think she's fat…" Stacey teased, before being cut off by Ruby's little announcement.

"Maybe he doesn't anyway. I sort of like the idea of having a family… I'll be eighteen in a few weeks and plenty of women have kids younger than that…"

Jake dropped the chopping block he'd just dug out of the cupboard to butter his toast on and both girls burst out in laughter. Stacey hadn't believed Ruby for a second, but enjoyed spending time having a laugh after not seeing each other for a couple of weeks.

"Yeah I'm going to talk to Bradley… I'm getting quite broody, what with babysitting Freddy a lot. What do you think of the name Eugene? Or Dolores? It'd have to be geeky if it's Bradley's after all!"

Jake wasn't a complete fool and given that he'd very briefly discussed with Ruby his intention to name a daughter, Victoria after Nana, he knew that she was just trying to mess with his head. He spun round on his heel and slumped down into the kitchen chair; one piece of toast in his mouth and a second balanced in two fingers of his right hand, while the others gripped his cane, to stop from slipping over.

"Great! I was hoping you'd want to have a baby soon." He said with exaggerated enthusiasm. "I mean I am getting on a bit and I don't want to be too old to take little Percy to a West Ham game, do I?"

"Percy?" Stacey said grimacing at the thought of being Godmother to a kid called Percy. "What sort of name's that?"

"It was my Grandfather's name." Jake lied, before Ruby slapped him across the arm making him drop his toast butter side down on the grubby kitchen floor.

"Your Granddad's name was John and we certainly aren't calling our son that. I don't want my Dad thinking we cared enough to name our baby after him. I still don't forgive him for everything he's done. I'll go and see him just to get him off our backs, but I don't… I don't think I can really love him anymore. I don't want him to be a part of my life."

It was the first time in several months that Ruby had really talked about how she felt for her father and Jake was quite surprised at how calm she seemed about it all, given how she'd been so furious when the Walford Gazette printed details of all the horrible crimes he'd been involved in. He'd thought then that she'd leave the country rather than see Johnny again, but Jake hated him too and until his accident he had been happy to work for the man. He guessed their decisions came down more to the fact that both Ruby and he were making these allowances for each other, not Johnny.

However it wouldn't stop Johnny thinking he could mend his bridges and be a part of his daughter's life again. Jake had a feeling that the calm days he and Ruby had been sharing recently would be a distant memory as soon as Johnny Allen thought he could get involved again. Jake realised that he was going to have to get back on his feet pretty quick and try to win a few locals over, before Ruby divulged exactly who she was in love with to her father; fortunately he knew exactly how to do it.


End file.
